Thursday, June 26

Girls' night out!

My friend Jenna is getting married next month, and I decided to throw her a mini-bachelorette party. She wanted to invite me, Karen, and Bethany because we’ve all been friends since we used to work together at Capital One.

So last night we dropped all our kids and my senile mother off at the Byrd Theater for a Baby Mama/Baby Mama double feature. Then we set out for some serious bar hoppin’! Jenna asked us not to bring along any penis-shaped novelties or any bridal stuff because she didn’t want us to look like typical annoying bachelorette party bitches.

We found a nice restaurant with a bar where we could get warmed up a little. We decided to start out with some wine, and just spent a little while talking about our kids and catching up. I took this picture because I knew this was the best we were gonna look all night! You know how it is when you get wild with your friends! Bethany and Karen are on the left, and Jenna, the bride to be, is on the right.

I know...I’ve got hot friends!

Soon we were ready to get moving. We each took a few swigs of vodka in my van as we drove to Mulligan’s. When we got in there we were ready for some REAL drinks! I tried to order us a round of chocolate blowjob shots, but they didn’t even have any whipped cream! I was like, "C’mon! My friend is getting married!". What bust!

We noticed that there were two good lookin’ guys at the bar, and they asked if they could join us. Their names were Devon and Mark. I think they wanted to cheer us up since we were so disappointed about the shots. They paid their tabs at the bar and moved over to the table where we were hanging out.

We talked for a while, and enjoyed some long island ice teas and cigarettes. We were having a great time! Mark was really funny! They kept ordering us drinks, and we were putting ‘em away in record time! The boys were keeping up, too! Bethany was really getting along with Devon, which I thought was weird, because once he got up close I noticed that the side of his neck was covered in a really nasty rash.

We told them about ourselves, and they told us a little about their jobs at the Tyson plant. After a few more drinks Devon and Bethany quietly got up and headed towards the back, probably into one of the bathrooms. I’m not sure what they were doing in there, but they were only in there for like ten minutes, and when Beth got back she wouldn’t talk about what happened.

Mark decided to go to the back to check on Devon. That was the last we saw of either of them! Not only did those jerks leave us stuck with the entire tab, but my purse was missing! Bethany only brought $20, so Jenna had to pick up the rest of the tab. I felt terrible because it was supposed to be her party! By then it was time to pick up Mom and the kids, so we decided to just call it a night. Karen took one last shot of warm vodka in the van and ended up barfing on my Dale Earnhart blanket.


Anonymous said...


Lantern Bearer said...

Ya'll should eat dinner before you eats them big ol' disco bizkits.

akcom said...

This is why I love southern women.

Robert Shingleton said...

You deserved that one you bitch.

Manti said...

I am disappoint. Earnhardt. You have failed.

Anonymous said...

Uhmm.... this is your best look? That's....I think you need a real makeover. Unless they were drunk, I dont think they're hot. I'll think they're friggin' ugly people, no offense.