Thursday, June 25

You can't handle the tip!

Every so often the subject of tipping etiquette comes up, and the "experts" who respond always seem to be members of the service industry. So of course they tell you to tip a minimum of 20%. You can ask a hooker what they think is fair for a dry hand job and they're gonna tell you $20. But you could probably negotiate a wet one at last call in exchange for a $6 Long Island Iced Tea!

And don't even get me started on all the well paid folks out there who think they deserve a tip. I will never tip salon employees, clerks, or cabbies. These jerks make plenty of money, and shouldn't be demanding a handout for the job they were paid to do! Bartenders and servers, on the other hand, make like $2 per hour, and therefor deserve some consideration.

Still, some servers deserve absolutely nothing. But rather than stiff them I think you're better off leaving them an insulting amount. Like this one steak place we visited in downtown Richmond. My family walked in and were seated quickly. I had to make an trip to the bathroom, so I broke off from the group on the way to our table. On my way back I happened to overhear two waiters talking at the back.

One of them said that he recognized "that bitch". Another one said "Ugh, I know. She's worse than the Canadians!" Which I thought was weird because we don't get a lot of Canadian tourists around here. Then a waitress, who had also overheard them, said, "That's what you guys get for expecting the worst!" and she offered to take our table.

I walked around the dining room so as not to be seen, and the waitress arrived to take our drink orders. She was smiling, but I detected some sort of contempt in her eyes. I admit that she kept up with our constant demands for more water and lemons (to make our own lemonade!) and tarter sauce. But somehow I just knew that she was condescending me, if only on a subconscious level.

I didn't want her to think that I was too dense to notice, so when we were done I left her a dime as a tip. Then we walked out nice and slow so I could see her face. She picked it up off the table and stormed off. Apparently the manager decided to take up for her, because he chased us out into the parking lot yelling, "Excuse me! You forgot your dime!". I faked surprise and embarrassment, then slapped him on his mouth when he got close.

Of course sometimes you get really good service, like a bartender who slips you free drinks, or a waitress who forgets to charge you for something. In that case I'll tip as much as 10%, plus I'll leave them a little treat, like a Ricola lozenge, or an old lighter that still has some juice in it. If the waiter is fun and has a good personality I might even play a silly trick by laying their tip in something wet, or hiding it in the salt shaker.

When it comes to actual tipping amounts, here are my own guidelines:

Food: 50 cents per person. Subtract 10 cents for every item that isn't as good as you could have made at home, and another 20 cents for every minute you have to wait for something that you spontaneously desire at any given moment.

Drinks: 10 cents for opening a bottle or pouring a draft. 25 cents for mixed drinks, a pitcher of beer, or a bucket of bottles.

Takeout: Nothing. In fact, go ahead and swipe a buck or two from the tip jar when the cashier has her back turned to bag up your order from the kitchen.

There's one last thing to do before you lay that tip money down. You might not know that servers are allowed to claim whatever they want to the IRS, so they only claim a fraction of their actual tips! That's why I suggest you tip a pretax amount. Figure out the tip they deserve, then deduct around 30% from it. That way it's fair for everybody.

Click here for more of my dining advice!
_

175 comments:

Anonymous said...

So let me see if I got this right. This lady did a good job. Served you and you had no complaints. What a stupid cow you are. She deserved her tip and you cheated her. If they treat you with contempt it is because you deserve it. I feel sorry for any children you have. I am sure they dont tell people who you are.

Anonymous said...

I don't work in the service industry, yet, though it may come to that. However, 20% for good service is somewhat of a standard because it's easier for slower minds to figure out than the 15%, that is an industry standard.

However, who ever wrote the stake house blog is a fucking idiot. I don't need to say any more. I can try to make you understand tipping but I can't fix STUPID.

Not Always About Monkeys said...

"Stake house blog". "Whoever wrote the stake house blog...".

Did your BFF Anonymous realize that he was leaving a comment on that exact blog?

Thanks for another instructional blog, Jocelyn. Honestly, I couldn't get by in this crazy city without you.

Anonymous said...

U are a idiot!!!Red neck trash that thinks she is all that.Keep your welfare money I'm sure the servers that work for what they have are glad to see the back of you when you leave.
You are a slag and a cow ....Have a nice day TRASH!!!

Neil said...

I think I could learn a lot from you... wanna go to dinner sometime?

Dusty Chenille said...

Canadians! Those damned, no-tipping Canadians... ;)

These are true words to live by. I think I'll go out tonight and share the wealth. Or keep it in my pocket! By making my own lemonade and of course, gazpacho (ketchup and ice water!), I'll save a ton!

Hump-scratcher said...

"You can't handle the tip" is absolutely right. I don't see the point in pumping up some idiot waiter's self-esteem by leaving tip money for them. I think it de-humanizes them by making them bow and scrape for cash. Instead, when I experience great service by the waitstaff, I give them a hearty handshake on my way out the door and tell them, "Jesus loves you." Sure, they act all upset at first, but probably later they will be sitting at home and realize what a great person I am.

Anonymous said...

You are an absolute ass clown. One hell of a first rate douche canoe. Why don't you do everyone a favor and stay home. I don't want to see your ugly ass out at a restaurant anyway. And I'm not in the service industry.

Anonymous said...

Proud to be a Cunt!

Whore

Anonymous said...

Fuck you bitch you suck balls with that crack head looking face of yours!

Anonymous said...

You can save yourself $1 for every 10 beers you drink simply by drinking from the bottle (tipping for pouring). You know they don't wash those glasses anyway.

Anonymous said...

My God, you are such trash.

Anonymous said...

nice smile ya got there , hopefully your saving the money for dental work.

Anonymous said...

If you can't afford the tip, then you shouldn't be dining out. I hope your financial woes turn around soon. It is no fun being poor. If you want, shoot me an email, and I'll tell you how you can save some money on groceries. I can even give you some good recipes for mac n' cheese and steak with ketchup. Those are two meals that you would probably enjoy.

Hope you get a job soon.

All the best,

Will.I.Am

Anonymous said...

you are a skank douche bag, i hope you get pussy itch and your vagina falls out

Meade Skelton said...

This reminds me of when I went to Cafe Gutenberg and our snarky waiter called me and my sister "guys". When I corrected him that they were "girls", he muttered something about "colloquialisms". Needless to say, my sauer kraut and knackwurst tasted a bit juicier than usual....

Anonymous said...

Are you kidding me? you were treated right, ran ur waitress around got FREE lemonade b/c you cant pay the 2.00? 10% tip really? I feel sorry for you, it is people like you that I trully can not stand... Best of luck in your furture outings.

Anonymous said...

As someone who has worked in the restaurant industry for many years, I feel the need to say something here. First of all, let me point out that servers rely solely on their tips. Poor tippers and "no tippers" come with the business. It is aggravating for many reasons. My personal problem with it is this...Generally, servers are taxed on the $2.13 an hour they make as well as the tips they are "supposed" make. The IRS "assumes" that servers will make enough in tips to make at least minimum wage. At the end of the night all servers must claim what they have made in tips. When people leave nothing or next to nothing, they are in fact, costing the servers money. Those servers are now being forced to pay taxes on money that they have not actually made. Furthermore, apparently, some people forget that servers are NOT preparing your food. Servers are there to provide you (hopefully) outstanding service. Servers save you the hassle of getting your own drinks, cleaning you and children's mess and providing you a pleasant dining experience. If there is a problem, it should be pointed out so that a manager can potentially rectify the situation. But, it seems, there are still some people out here who find it necessary to be complete morons when dining out. While you may think you are saving yourself money or making some kind of ridiculous point, there are other things you should think about. Always remember that servers personally handle the food that you and your family are going to consume. There are some servers out there who take the whole "no tip" thing very personally. Please keep this in mind when you are putting that food in your mouth or taking a nice long sip of your "homemade" lemonade. At least, in some instances, the server already knows when someone is going to be a bad tipper and can concentrate their efforts on other patrons who will appreciate it more.
I am very thankful that I do not work in the Richmond area. I am also thankful that I work in an area where, for the most part, poor tipping isn't that common, and patrons appreciate being "taken care of" and tip accordingly. These same patrons enjoy outstanding service and a pleasant dinner out every time they and their family eat out.

paul_h said...

As someone who reads a lot of blogs I gotta say, these folks are dumber than a box of hammers.

Anonymous said...

ya know... tips don't have to be money. i like to leave a witty comment written with a sharpie on a folded up napkin. if you leave someone money they will only spend it but a witty comment can be remembered forever and they can even use it as a tip when they dine out and it won't have cost them anything.
p.s... i think the last guy meant two boxes of hammers.

Robert Bryant said...

I always leave a reasonable tip if I intend to return to the restaurant. Wait staff have long memories and you don't want anything put in your food before it is served. I have, however, received such bad service at some places that I felt like reaching into their pockets and taking out some of their tip money for my trouble.

Anonymous said...

This stupid bitch is the most UN-educated, fat-redneck this planet has ever seen. I can't believe I even stumbled on to this fucking crap blog. Anyone that puts this much time in to figuring out how to tip someone; should either get laid more, or stay at home and masturbate more. This is the type of society we live in where stupid fucking rednecks can right anything they want and still people like us will respond to it. Why don't you try writing something educational or talk about real topics and not a page on how to properly tip someone. I mean your a fucking idiot I can't believe that people even look at this type of filth. This dumb jew doesn't know anything about working anywhere. Go back to your trailer and make more baby's so you can put a burden on our health care system and make everyone's life more miserable you dumb bitch..........

Anonymous said...

dumb red neck

Meade Skelton said...

Can people please stop saying "server". The correct term is waiter/waitress !

Flinthart said...

Tipping hookers is just stupid. Unless you mean, you know: like tipping cows. That's pretty funny, and if you catch 'em while they're leaning into a car, even the john gets a laugh.

Professional Ass Kisser said...

You have clearly shown your ignorance and absolute blindness to seeing the other side of the story, so I would just like to tell you that if I was your waiter, you could kiss MY ass and shove your measly dime where the sun don't shine. I'll focus my attention on some more appreciative customers.

On a side note, I truly feel that it should be required that all high school students serve a semester in food service before they can receive their diplomas. Would definitely minimize the number of asshole customers expecting backflips and cartwheelers from their servers. Just sit back, chill the fuck out and enjoy your dining experience. We are not your fucking punching bag.

[End Rant]

Anonymous said...

you, madam, are a dumb bitch. nuff said.

Anonymous said...

Wow have oyu ever worked a day in you life. I think not otherwise you would understand how little waiters get paid.
They get paid a pitiance because they are expected to get tips, they are taxed based on the fact that the will get tips and they serve you food in a polite manner not matter how bumfuck dumb you are because they need that tip.
And the waitress you tip a dime was acctually being nice to you when she said "That's because you expect the worst." How could you not see that? She was telling them not to judge you, yet you punished her for being polite because you overheard her friends bitching about you.
Dear lord I am glad I don't live in America. We have minimum wage laws and standard pay that means we don't have to rely on tips.
But if I see a tip jar somewher I always put my small change in there. Empties my wallet of shrapnel and shows my appreciation all in one go.
Everyone can use a few extra dollars now and then and to deny those who seem to need it more is cruel.

Anonymous said...

Ha, ha. It doesn't surprise me that you know about the dreaded "tip included". However, suffice it to say, that rule does not apply to the location that I work. Gratuity is NOT included for large parties where I work. Like I said before, thankfully, in our area, patrons appreciate an outstanding dining experience by tipping accordingly. And, I feel that this rule works out fine here. While we all appreciate a sufficient, if not generous gratuity, for the extra service that goes into dealing with a large party, there are times when we do not get anywhere near what is deserved. Yet, that is ok, for someone else, with more appreciation and understanding will more than make up for it.
And as for being a bitch, yes, I am, and take great pride in it. After all, after years of serving people like yourself, I have learned from the best. Being called such things only gives me a warm fuzzy feeling inside, and helps me fully realize how I achieved the position I have in this company.
Thanks again!

Anonymous said...

You americans crack me up. Why don't your restaurants, cab companies, bus companies etc pay your staff enough? You expect customers to pay for their products and to pay your salaries? Tipping is a stupid culture and should be abolished. Have fixed rates and be done with it. Or levy a fixed 10-15% "service charge", include it in the bill and make everyone pay automatically.

Anonymous said...

I can't wait until this lady's current employer (Assuming she could get a job in the first place) realizes what an idiot she is, and fires her. Then, she has to become a waitress, where everyone treats her the same way she has been treating everyone else. Although, standing upright for more than 10 minutes might be too big a challenge for her. Anyway, karma is a bitch, so good luck with that.

Anonymous said...

"Then a waitress, who had also overheard them, said, "That's what you guys get for expecting the worst!" and she offered to take our table."

Not only did she defend you, someone she's never met in her life, from people who are more than likely her friends, but she put up with your crap with making your own lemonade and asking for more and more water. Then you leave a 10 cent tip and slapped them in the face?

I hope you have children so they can disown you when they grow up.

Anonymous said...

Bitch!

Anonymous said...

I used to live in Virginia, so I've seen trash like this lady plenty before. I would gather by your immediate distrust of this girls impression of you that you are a shallow, once drugged out, heroin injecting, meth smoking back alley whore. That's about all you find in Richmond anyways.

I always wondered why it smelled so bad driving through Richmond ( like Philly ), but after reading the bullshit from you I understand.

I agree with most everyone else here, although I believe your vagina has already fallen out. This would explain your extremely fucked personality, since you cannot get laid.

Have a good day you sweat hog.

PS - If I go by Richmond again anytime soon, and I see you out in public, I know this great dentist in Prince William County, he could probably fix your mouth for you.

dbenton25 said...

Jocelyn's favorite books-from her profile:

Dr. Phil Getting Real, The Complete Idiot's Guide to Evangelical Christianity, Chicken Soup for the Horse Lover's Soul, Everybody Poops.

Need I say more?

Anonymous said...

ಠ_ಠ

Anonymous said...

you know i really feel ive gained some insight here...i like your style, im gonna take steps to be more like you. i mean, what you are saying is something i can apply daily life to be as shitty of a person as possible. all i need to do is; find a way to rationalize my irresponsible and immoral thought process, short change hard working members of our society through a ridiculous reasoning, loose all my teeth, write a shitty blog talking about my shitty thoughts, then finally, offer to whore yourself out on the internet via blog profile. damn, im gonna start a blog and keep you posted on my progress

MonsterKill said...

"If the waiter is fun and has a good personality I might even play a silly trick by laying their tip in something wet"

Wow, what a shitty thing to do.

Congrats on being a terrible person.

Anonymous said...

You most certainly are a sociopath.

Anonymous said...

I hope you die of anal cancer.

Anonymous said...

you slapped him?? LOL I would have returned with a headbutt and broken your fucking nose you ugly cunt lollllllllllllllllllll

paul_h said...

3 boxes of hammers.

Anonymous said...

As a woman of color, this comment disturbs me:

"...At least, in some instances, the server already knows when someone is going to be a bad tipper and can concentrate their efforts on other patrons who will appreciate it more."

Reading posts on CraigsList alone will let you know that waiters already peg me as a poor/non-tipper due to other people of color being neglectful when I ALWAYS tip 20% (even when 15% was customary). This explains why I got the shittiest service that I didn't deserve being discriminated against for just being brown while walking into the establishment.

Thank God this doesn't happen EVERYWHERE I've dined, so I happily return to places that treat me well and continue to keep the economy going by dining out.

Anonymous said...

as disgusting as ever. But what do you expect from a trailer trash whore. After all her daughter is 16 got pregnant from her husband. and is proud of it. But then again she is a ID10T anyhow. people like her don't deserve anything in life. she is nothing more than a piece of trash

Anonymous said...

lol just stick to mcdonalds you fat cunt. you don't even have to bother tipping there, and since i'm sure you have meth mouth, the taste is irrelevant.

Anonymous said...

This is in response to the young lady who was disturbed by a comment I made concerning servers who focus their attention on better tipping tables...
I, personally, do not make assumptions about guests in a restaurant based on their color. Unfortunately, many servers do. Some servers that I work with, still make these wrong assumptions. I have made it a point, to show these servers that some of my BEST tips come from all sorts of people with different backgrounds. I am sorry that she received poor service just because she was black. And, I feel that she is handling this the best way by not returning to those establishments where she receives poor service. Although, I would at least make one more attempt, just request a different server.
It should be obvious to everyone now, especially from the author of this blog, that ALL kinds of people, black, white, asian, etc. are all just as capable of being substandard guests and leaving poor tips.

Anonymous said...

I worked in the industry for many years and the tips I enjoyed the most were not money. I enjoyed seeing their smiles after they left me a quarter bag of weed or enough coke for the night. Those are the tips that a good bartender really wants anyway!!

Anonymous said...

Damn girl, this shit blew up!

Crapt said...

I like to leave a little plate of cookies with a "surprise" in it for a tip....turnabout you know!

Anonymous said...

I must say as a former waiter this is right on! I used to work every day in a restaurant, and every Sunday people would come in for lunch after church. They would leave me a Jesus pamphlet instead of a tip, and on the way out when I was telling them goodbye, they would say "May god have mercy on your soul!" I'm pleased to say that I quit my job when I realized by heathen ways and I now live in the street. I may sleep in the gutter and drink trash juice just to survive, but I no longer work on the Sabbath. These customers that other commenters are berating here saved my life!!!! Money is ruining our children, anyway. Just give me a warm trash pile to sleep in and a rat carcass or two to consume once a week, and that's all I need.

Anonymous said...

Are you effing kidding me. The girl was kind enough to take your table to prove to the others that they were wrong about you, and then you shit on her. Way to go asshole. It's people like you that give others their bad name! And "AS MUCH" as 10%? ARE YOU SERIOUS?

It's people like you that made me quit the restaurant business. I was making great money, by giving great service. But the people who just don't understand how to be a decent human being and have manners, shouldn't be eating in a restaurant. A person that doesn't know how to correctly tip for good service SHOULD NOT BE IN A RESTAURANT. STAY AT HOME AND EAT AND DO THE WORLD A FAVOR.

Anonymous said...

Wow. You're a very rude and crude human being. Maybe having Testes in your name did that from all the mocking in Jr. High. I say Jr. High because you probably never made it to high school. Someone with your morality usually accompanies a lower than average intelligence. ANYONE, and I mean ANYONE in the service industry will tell you what others are already. And, we know your kind VERY well. To be honest, I see your people coming in from the parking lot. Usually dressed in 10 year old clothes, flicking a cigarette into a sewer drain and literally, literally, dragging your 2 children into the restaurant. You then typically complain to the hostess about being sat and WHERE you want to sit, all the while your children are running around and into people, messing with our supplies and generally pissing people off. You say nothing of course because "little timmy is just being himself". Well, tell that to the judge when he accidentally shoots his friend in the face with YOUR .22. So, you come to the table and either immediately start spouting off 'orders', or don't even acknowledge my existence. I introduce myself, and you still don't acknowledge me. Then with a very rude tone that smells like envy, you growl that your not ready. That occurs about 3 more times, then when your ready, timmy can't make up his mind. I've seen it all before. Am I right servers who are reading this? She is "that lady". You ma'am, are a leech in this world.The service industry makes up about 70% of the jobs in this country. If it weren't for us, we would be like North Korea or something. You wouldn't have insurance, servers, deli's, sears etc. and so forth. But in the end, what can I expect from someone from Virginia. Just one more reason why I would never move there.

Anonymous said...

there is something terribly terribly wrong with you and i truly hope you get the help that you need.

Laura said...

Now hold on there, detractor of Virginia! This woman is not representative of our great Commonwealth as a whole; far from it! Virginia is a fantastic place to live, to raise a family and with a few exceptions a great place to dine out! Do not judge us all by this toothless trailer trash!

Anonymous said...

I don't care if you dance a friggin jig bringing my dinner out the best you get is 15%, this 20% crap is nuts. Your working 5-6 tables spending less than 5 minutes out of my whole dining experience with me. If it takes an hour the formula is simple. ($25/60) * 5 = Your Tip. Any Server who thinks they are worth more than $25/hour needs to have their head checked.

Anonymous said...

You are a real P.O.S. The servers seemed upset that you went out to eat there because they hate you and they most likely gave you a little something extra in your food or drink. Don't go out to eat if you can't afford a tip you white trash, worthless piece. Also please don't have any kids, if you already do just send them away, they will have a better chance at life without you. If you ever get pregnant, have an abortion! People like you are what makes this country the way it is today and that's not good. You can't go into a restaurant and not tip properly, that's just not right at all. Those people have to work hard for their money and you screw them. You will burn in hell, no matter what church tells you otherwise. Have fun in hell, and don't have any kids you white trash piece of crap. Here is a real simple concept, if you can't afford a proper tip DONT EAT OUT AT RESTAURANTS. Are you really that stupid? Yes, you sound like you are. Die in a fire.

Anonymous said...

I think the blogger here, is a bit selfish. I would imagine that she was an only child who believes she is entitled to everything.

I'm getting this "Veruca Salt" vibe. Daddy! I want an Oompa Loompa!... Yes, Veruca, dear.

You see, Testes... we share this world with nearly 7 billion people... we are all protons, neutrons, and electrons... essentially, we are one.

So, try treating your fellow man/woman with dignity.

You have lessons to learn in this life, and so far, it seems like you may not be understanding the big picture as to why you are here.

Be kind. Don't be a glutton. Don't be so hateful.

Goodness.

Troll Trollington said...

I work in a restaurant, and I have to say...I hate when people leave big tips. It makes me complacent in my job as a waiter. If I make too much money, then I'll NEVER go back to the local community college and complete my degree in Business Administration. Without that, how will I ever start my own aquarium business? Thanks Jocelyn!!!

Anonymous said...

Wow. You're a cunt. Fuck you Jocelyn. You fat fucking cow. Stay home if you can't afford to go out.

Though the one guy was right. Americans have this tip fascination, when in reality the restaurants, cab companies and other "tip worthy" positions employers' should be paying them a proper rate and not expecting us to foot the bill.

But yeah, Jocelyn, you're still a cunt. Homemade lemonade? Jeesus fucking Christ you redneck trucker stop douche nozzle.

thecheckoutgirl said...

I was all "Where are the biggest, dumbest assholes on the internet congregating tonight?" and then I'm all like "Comments section on Jocelyn's blog, der!"

Glad I came over. You and I should hit up an open mic and do a dramatic reading of this shit! For tips, natch.

Anonymous said...

Tipping was an old Roman and English custom where you tossed a few coins to your social inferiors. Here in Europe, there's a 10-12% gratuity automatically added to your bill. No hassle, no awkward moments pulling out your calculator calculating how much to spare the "beggar".

It is a demeaning custom and should have gone away 2000 years ago. Why do you Americans still have this stupid system?

Anonymous said...

WOW, you no-toothed-bitch!!! what the hell is your problem?? first of all my mom is a hair stylist and barely make enough money to put food on the table for herself or me, she can also barely put gas in her car because the hair industry isnt doing good, just like everything else.luckly i have my own job which is in the food industry and I am barely making enough to support myself because of asshole people like you!! my mom also owns her own bussiness and is one of the best hair stylist in the state (which you seriously need a color, wax, and a new hair style. its not 1984 anymore) she has done color educating and numerous other things for hair. so give them a tip or do it at home yourself, seeing as how you think your soooo damn good at everything. YOU ARE A BITCH!!! seriously, and maybe you should have your relationship with, what your 5th husband, between you and him, because you are a seriously rude, nasty, good-for-nothing person. i think you really need to find something better to do with your life then go around being a bitch. you will be a lot happier!!!

@PaulosG said...

Dear Jocelyn

Living in England I find the whole concept of tipping quite interesting. I do appreciate the insight you have provided here (as I do with all your anthropological posts regarding the American way of life).

I am glad that when I go out for a meal I don't have to worry about paying extra. I know I'm going to get poor service and bland food. I wish we had more American chain restaurants over here.

Toodle Pip!

Anonymous said...

"and another 20 cents for every minute you have to wait for something that you spontaneously desire at any given moment."

Hilarious.

Anonymous said...

Well, if I was as ugly as you I would be bitter at the world as well. Perhaps not tipping is just another way you spew your venom for being so ugly. WTF happened? I guess when God was giving out looks you thought he said books and asked for a funny one!

Anonymous said...

I'm a waiter, not the best, but far from the worst. First off, in any job, people huddle in the back and talk smack. The job is stressful, you're basically whoring tables. So you sneak around to listen to this employees private conversation and despite good service you leave a dime? Along with the fact that your making your own lemonade, you come off as sounding cheap. If you don't want to leave a tip, eat at home or take your cheap ghetto ass to McDonalds. Minimum Wage for a server is $4.75 because tipping is custumary and expected. You come into my restaurant and do that, you'll still get great service, but you'll never earn the respect of anyone. The guests dining with you, if they're not as ghetto as you, probably laugh at you behind your back.

blk_s10 said...

Haha what a dumb cunt. You realy should go fall in a hole and die. But i see where you get your views from you self centered cow, "Complete Idiots Guide to Evangelical Christianity" LOL at a moron and cant figure out christanity. Also, i hope one of your man friends in your "open relationship" knocks out the rest of your teeth when he smells your rotten pussy you no good trailer livin dog lookin ginger SSSSSSKKKKAAANNNNKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!

[that is all, go DIAF!]
ps dont know what DIAF means look it up WHORE!

Alicia Hayes said...

Well you know, I have to agree with you.

One of my close girlfriends works has a server at some bitch ass 'boutique cafe' type place. She likes to brag she's paid 2.30 per hour but goes home with 80-90 cash or more per night.

I can't stand eating out at places with her. I left a 3 dollar tip once on a 35.00 bill, only 15.00 of which was my food, and she lectures me on how I am a cheap ass tipper. She pissed me off so much that when we left I slyly picked up my part of the tip. I don't like it when people are holier than thou. Besides, she had left a five on the table.

Now what you forgot to mention here Jocelyn is the delivery folks people tip. I'm already setting my standards low if I'm calling in Pizza Hut so why do they expect a tip also? I'm paying fucking 25$ for ONE pizza and a liter of coke already, why waste more money on tipping too? it's pizza for crying out loud.

Anonymous said...

your a loser white trash cunt ugly too very! Watch out Im much meaner then you slap me sometime and you will be eating on your teeth. I cut down people like you everyday to there face and love it so you never know we might meet but I promise you I will have the last laugh Im 6'3 285 no fat and live to shine a mirror right back to people like you you get what you give so be careful im out there waiting to pick on people just like you :) portage IN

Robert said...

Within the last two weeks I dined at two restaurants. At one, the bill was $25 and I tipped $10 because the server was working her tail off but took time to check on me, and interact frequently. In the other, the bill was about $25 but I tipped $5 because she lacked interest, My nominal tip is 20% if I get decent service. 15% for basic service (wait persons have to make a living). For exceptional service, I might tip disproportionately, for example, for very good service and a wait person with a lot of personality or might be supporting several children, a $20 bill delivered to her hand in addition to the tip I'll put on the credit card receipt. Stop being so tight.

Anonymous said...

You are a white trash POS. You are also fat and have messed up teeth. You should probably get off your fat ass and get a job instead of writing shit in this blog. no one cares about your po-dunk ass lifestyle, you broke bitch. Stop going to restaurants and goto the gym.

I paid my way through medical school working for tips. People like you make me puke.

Melissa said...

@thecheckoutgirl Imagine the kinds of tips you would get at an open mic reading of these comments! I would pay good money to get a glimpse of Richmond's two most beloved anonymous bloggers. Make it happen!

Anonymous said...

Wow, you are a CUNT. I hope you choke on your riola. You are truly a piece of shit.

Troll Trollington said...

I find it hard to believe that you can even consume a meal. Do you just order apple sauce, or do you disgust the entire restaurant by trying to gum your way through a hamburger steak, you toothless hag! You should be tipping extra for someone to even have to look at you with a smile. You look like the result of roadkill that mated with Lisa Lampanelli's underarm fat and then got in a fight with a toaster. I would say you are a redneck, but Larry the Cable Guy looks like the Queen of England next to you! Let me tell you something, I've been waiting tables in the smoking section of Shoney's for 32 years. I have seen some disgusting, hideous, ugly people in my times, but I have never seen anything nearly as putrid as you, EVER. And, again, I've been working in the smoking section at SHONEY'S for 32 years.

Anonymous said...

This blog is the sinister reflection of a morally tarnished and defunct mind. I am sorry you have generated offspring, but I wish them the best despite their genetic origins and obviously debauched upbringing.

Anonymous said...

Since when are salon hairstylists and cab drivers jerks for doing their jobs? God you are such a close minded,self centered bitch. I am a server and yes its true we talk shit about our customers, but that doesnt ever stop us from giving you asswipes 100% great service. Its narrow minded people like you that make me sick to my stomach.

Anonymous said...

Just be sure and tip your dentist when (and if) he fixes that ugly ass grill of yours. Maybe he'll get a heads up and just plant a dime in there instead of a functional fake tooth.

Anonymous said...

I had a girl friend in highschool that worked weekends at a steakhouse every sunday she had to wait on a family like yours no tip an 8 pains in the ass one sunday a friend and myself helped her out with the Blues Brothers routine you know the I will give $5 for your wife and $3 for your daughter thay got the message and left the steakhouse before thay ordered.The family stop to bitch at the manager who laughed in their face because thay also tried to get price reduction on their meals two weeks later my friend and myself got offered $400 to do the same thing to them at another steakhouse because no one should have to put up with assholes like that

Anonymous said...

i am sure that costcutters and great clips salons all over richmond see you pulling up to there curb in your busted dont hoop-ty wood sided station wagon, and cringe because they have to touch your lice in fested hair. seeing as how you have a hair cut that looks like you did it your self, why dont you stay home and do just that. and as the salon owner previously metioned (one of the best in the state of mn) my clients are not strangers to me, the have become my friends over the years and i love them and treat them with respect, kindness, and decency. i pamper them and they leave with wonderful looking hair that makes them feel better about themselves. THANK GOD you will never have the plessure of running into me cuz i dont forget a face and i would fuck your shit up on purpose, and then i would make you tip me to change your fugly hair from the green i made it, back to your ugly ass box color job from walmart. DO THE WORLD A FAVOR IN STAY IN YOUR RUSTED OUT TRAILER!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Your a fucking bitch. So you tip fifty cents for each person, no matter how much you pay. Your a cunt that should get her ass kicked.
The woman who served you do a good job and you treated her like shit. The other waiters know the kind of woman you were and didn't want to serve you. You just proved that the other waiters were right about you and your a fucking cunt whore.

Anonymous said...

God you're a dumb cunt.

Anonymous said...

As a bartender, just try leaving me a shitty tip. If it's a mixed drink, next time it'll be 90% ice, 9% Coke, and 1% liquor, if I'm feeling charitable. If it's a beer, I'll slam that baby down on the bar so hard that foam will be spewing out of it for ten minutes. And if it's a draft beer, you'll be lucky if it's half full. Oh, and bartenders aren't required to serve your dumb ass. Just wait til you get thrown out of a bar because you suck so badly at life that no one will wait on you.

Miss36dd said...

You are so full of shit. I know you. You broke your tooth giving head to a parking meter. You never eat out because you are one broke ass bitch with no job. Hopefully you will get the Herpes and Genital warts taken care of this year. Did the Health Department get your kids yet? They sent the notice last week.

Anonymous said...

Why African Americans don't tip or tip very poorly?
I have been a food server/waitress in downtown Chicago for 6 years where entrees run from 18 to 38 dollars.
I am white. My five year old son's father is black. 80% of my girlfriends are black. I am not racist. I am excellent at my job. I treat everyone professionally and equally and am friendly towards all people regardless of their color/ethnicity and have done this job well enough and long enough to see that it's not "the food" or "my service".
My son's father claims it is a "cultural" behavior or attitude towards tipping.
I'm not sure.
Any NON racist, NON ignorant theories would be helpful, as I truly want to know what's REALLY behind all this. Thanks.

Whatthefuck said...

I sorta agree with her but only to a certain extent. What I can't understand about the so called tipping rules is why is it a specific percentage?

This is my arguement: Say a friend and I go to a restaraunt and the server comes and takes our drink order and goes to get them while we look at the menu. The sever then brings our drinks both at the same time (trip #1) then takes our order. I'm pretty hungry so I order an entee' that costs $25 and my friend orders an appetizer that costs $6.50. The server then goes and places our order and returns (trip #2) to refill our drinks while our food is being prepared. A few minutes later our server brings out our food and refills our drinks again(trip #3), we eat and then we are brought the check. My total is $30 with drink and tax and my friend's is $10 with tax.

Now my issue is why should I be expected to pay a 20% tip of $6 and my friend pay 20% which would be $2. The server made no more trips or did anything extra for me more than for my friend. The server made the same number of trips to our table and did not actually cook my food only delivered it.

If a server waits on 4 to 5 tables per hour and gets around$4 to $5 per table, a server can very well average somewhere around $20 per hour. That is more than most people make per hour.

I know a lot of you won't like what I've just written but that is my opinion and I wanted to make a point.

I do however tip fairly based on my service and the attitude of my server. My local bartender gets treated very well since she know what I want and how I like it. She gets anywhere from 20% to 40% and for those of you that are wondering, she is NOT attractive just cool.

mike said...

Tip what you want but I'm guessing everywhere you eat the staff is taking turns placing their balls on your food and that pleases them more than your tip.

Laura said...

What you do not see is all of the work that servers are required to do behind the scenes. There is a lot of "sidework" that is required per shift. While you only see the trips made to your table, there is a lot more to the job than what you see. The servers are required to do a lot of cleaning and housekeeping projects on each shift. It's not like they are sitting around in between tables. They are filling the ice machine, restocking the condiments, cleaning the restrooms, dressing the plates that they deliver to your table, preparing desserts, taking out trash, etc, etc, etc. Not to mention clearing the tables, sweeping their section, and all the while trying to keep everyone at ALL of their tables happy, which a LOT harder than it looks!!! The timing is critical and the server often has to coordinate with the kitchen staff who have multiple orders coming in at once. DO NOT underestimate the effort it takes to be a great waiter or waitress. It takes more skill than someone who has never done the job would understand. After you average out all the time that you spent washing silverware and rolling it up in napkins and then tipping out the hostess and bartender, etc you would be damned lucky to come out with $20 an hour, more often than not on a lunch shift you are lucky to make minimum wage. If you cannot or will not tip your server for their service then don't take up space at their table!!!

Anonymous said...

So...how many of your teeth are REALLY yours? (Don't count the ones that Medicaid paid to put on your upper and lower plates) If you have fewer than 5, I'll give you a 50 cent tip for a "gum job". (But I'll deduct 10 cents for each tooth socket which is dripping puss.) You're H O T !!!

Anonymous said...

I never tip.

Employers should pay fair wages to their staff and not rely on customers or clients to tip to make up their payroll obligation.

In China, where I have lived for many years, tipping is not common, In fact, most service workers will decline a tip or even return it.

And guess what, they always give much better service than their tip expecting foreign counterparts.

Anonymous said...

Sorry... but screw all you Americans. Just because YOU DO YOUR JOB, doesn't mean that you deserve a tip. Fuck the US tipping system and being forced to tip. If you are not nice when you serve me, you don't deserve squat.

Anonymous said...

first of all, to the original comment poster, America does not "require" tipping, some restaurants might but usually only if there are more than a certain number of people in your party

Second... Jocelyn, you're a bitch. I hope you are keeping that 30% you take out of their tips for "pre-tax" reasons and donating it to the IRS like the server should've done. 2nd of all, if that particular waitress DID have a problem with you (which is an assumption based on a conversation you eavesdropped on, in which they could've been talking about another customer/table) then she deserved an even larger tip for still serving you well despite how she felt! Most servers would treat worse if they didn't like you, but she held her pride and did her job correctly anyway.

Anonymous said...

Something seriously wrong with you,

You have so many problems, you will one day be drooling oatmeal onyourself and be alone on the porch of a city old folks home...

You are a very dirty person, and your heart is a lump of coal.


A big FU from Reno.....

Anonymous said...

ok, i can't see why you would only tip her .10. she provided you excellent service, yet you screwed her cause of her colluges? fuck off. why not post the name of the resturant??? to asshamed of your actions??

i used to live in richmond and you by far are the most 'hillbillyish' i have ever seen! making your own lemonade! what you couldn't afford the $2 for the 'real deal'?

EVERYONE, ITS NOT REDNECK, ITS ''HILLBILLY'', AT LEAST REDNECKS GIVE TIPS!!

i also hate that i can walk in in shorts and t shirt, get great service! yeah right! why would i hate it!

please, don't dine out anymore. save your money.

Anonymous said...

Maybe the subliminal TIP you've been giving your servers is a reminder to brush & floss!

....Priceless....

Anonymous said...

Yea, tipping is kinda like having a girl friend - and you would make a good one!

You would not mind me having sex, the rolling over and going to sleep.

Or having you give me a bj when I get home, then tell you to cook dinner.

Or letting my use your hair for an "after rag".

Yup, skanks like you do not mind because that is what you are good for and do not expect anything in return.

Thanks! Now while we are at it, how about getting on your knees, turn on some porn and I'll pretend that it is you on the screen ....

Anonymous said...

I read through the first paragraph and determined you are a asshole... Just think, you are probably regularly eating and drinking other peoples bodily fluids...enjoy

Anonymous said...

so, if you like their personality, you waste their time and do cruel things to them? im guessing you are "new money"...if you have any that is, bc most people who have any would tip out of decency and people who are considered "old money" know proper english- how to speak and write it, and they would never hit the manager.if i were the manager i would have pressed charges, bc that's what you deserve. i hope you come to face with a person like me some day and receive your just desserts. remember- what goes around comes around...

Anonymous said...

This girl isn't dumb. This is a case of the typical trash you get working in the industry. I used to love getting these people. You could spot them in the parking lot.

I used to work at a very big chain that was right next to an amusement park. So every summer we would get the same trash at 9pm every night. Everyone from the manager down knew who was trying to get a free meal and knew who weren't going to tip.

First rule - don't mess with people who serve you food. My guests had a pretty valid reason to bitch about food that wasn't perfect. That's all I will say about that.

I used to charge people for extra lemons and salad dressing, all the little meaningless things like that. When they would call for a manager, I would make sure I was there and when they started talking i would interrupt and offer another table a free meal to say what really happened. A coupon from the manager made things even out later. The best was automatically adding the tip as part of the bill for a table of 4. We made up some dumb rule about how once the park closes, everyone that comes in is treated as a group so the tip is added on. Trash didn't know any better, so it was always paid. It was also 18%. I would laugh cause they would always pay it to the penny, again, because, in a different sense, they don't know any better.

When I forgot to add it on and didn't get anything, I would make sure I got them before they left the restaurant and let everyone know, customers included, how much they left. That's where the cops would have to get involved.

Women would throw change back at me and I would take it as they were trying to slap me so the man they were with would get taken and thrown into the woman. I have had guys poke my chest and get a finger broken or their head smashed against the wall. Only for them to get in more trouble once the cops came. It only happened maybe a dozen times in 2 years but became known as the "garbageman" for "taking out the trash" for those incidents.

Servers are actors. What you see, even if you think you aren't meant to see it, is an act. A customer seeing a manager give a talking to a server is for show. If only you could hear what was really being said. We still had to hustle people for more money and that is never going to change. Everything real happens behind closed doors when the restaurant isn't open.

I always treated everyone the same. Everyone got the same great service regardless. I didn't give handouts and luckily had superiors that thought the same way. It was nice making them pay for everything for an unenjoyable experience and have to tip 18% for it.

As for claiming whatever for tips, the chains I worked at claimed an automatic 15% of what I sold that night. If you want to claim more, you can. But you can't claim less. At least she was good enough to validate her stupidity by ending with that.

Other than the fact that she is trash, I can see by her profession, why she is bitter about having to tip. Cause I wouldn't tip a hooker either.

Anonymous said...

The waiters are wrong. No one can compare you with the Canadians. They have a little good-sense. Rest assured, everytime you're going to your favorite restaurant, somebody's taking care of your food. AKA pissing in it. Bon appetit!

Anonymous said...

Judging by your ignorance and picture I am sure you are well aquainted with the negotiation tatics of handjobs. Wet and dry. Loser.

Anonymous said...

You're a real piece of work! You really get off on making the rest of the people around you miserable? It's people like you who try to beat the system, so other decent people can pick up your slack, you may as well be on welfare and food stamps, (which I seriously doubt you aren't already but I'll give you the benefit)! You are whats wrong with the world, why we are going to revert to socialism and good people will do all the work, and your kind will slack off and scam people for all they've got.
I do believe in karma, and that really sucks for you!

Anonymous said...

I should take your picture and hand it out in every restaurant in Richmond, then you will get shitty service everywhere...or WE could teach you the LESSON OF A LIFETIME and petition to not serve your ugly ass... it will be an easy ID! We never forget those who don't tip... and you better believe the power of word of mouth!

Anonymous said...

Wow, lady, are you for fucking real? You DO realize that servers/bartenders get taxed based on their sales, and so when someone is unfortunate enough to wait on you, they basically end up having to pay money to work?

I read one of your responses saying you have plenty of money--if so, do the world a favor get your teeth and hair fixed. PLEASE.

NoTime said...

50 cents per person for food? So you mean to tell me, that if your whole family comes in, let's say it's 10 people, and they all get drinks. That'd be 5 bucks for the food, and one dollar for the drinks. Assuming it's one round. Fuck, let's say 4 rounds, to make it an even 10 bucks, right?

You're family probably putting together an 80 dollar tab, and that's just taking the average meal into consideration ($7.99). So, $16 is 20%. That'd leave you're total at $96. You mean to tell me, that you'll leave 6 to 10 dollars, for that? You've clearly never worked for a restaurant, and I hope that you at least have an open mind, work for ONE month, and then see how you feel about the way you tip.

Anonymous said...

Regardless of how you feel about how much better you are than your server, you should be subjected to many painful and horrible losses of the worst kind. May you outlive your family and those you love the most. You are a horrible person.

irieserver said...

jocey honey- don't forget to deduct 20 cents from the tip for when your servant, err --server doesn't realize you have changed your mind without telling him. like you ordered a cheeseburger but after he leaves you decide you want a hamburger. and stupid fuck brings you a !CHEESEBURGER! like the dumb non mindreading fuck he is. definitely not worthy of your money.

Anonymous said...

i think the statement that you're worse than a canadian is false - canadians don't even tip a dime!

Anonymous said...

All the above comments from people in the service industry who believe a tip is their right, just shows why America has become a third-world nation of slackers.

Tipping used to be reserved for workers who did a good job. Now every lazy bastard who has a menial service job expects one despite whether they have delivered quality service or not. They also believe that the customer should beat the brunt of paying their salary, when in actual fact it is their boss who should do so.

Waiters who take a job at a restaurant that pays them crap wages are being exploited by the management. To expect the customer to tip because your boss is ripping you off as he gets rich is ridiculous. All of you should be complaining about the rich owners, not your customers.

And as for waiters threatening to piss or spit or defecate in people's food if they don't tip, indicates the kind of trash they are and why they don't deserve a tip, let alone a job of any kind.

Americans are idiots.

People who work for tips are always the second against the wall when the revolution comes because they have blindly allowed themselves to be exploited and used.

Anonymous said...

Since you hate leving tips so damn much I'll go ahaead and leave you one. Take the dicks out your ass, put a bag ove that thing you call a face, and never leave your trailer again.

Anonymous said...

I am not in the food industry, and have never worked there, but I did have a roommate who did. She was doing okay with finances until the gas prices increased dramatically. Her service didn't change, but people's tipping styles sure did. Sometimes she would get home with a dollar fifty and several "Here's a tip, love Jesus." cards. She could no longer afford to pay her portion of the rent, and ended up moving back in with her parents. I had to scrape to find another roommate in a hurry so that I could keep my bills paid.

With that said, I have been known to leave bad tips, but only for extraordinarily bad service. Like the time four of us went to a busy restaurant, and spent over two hours waiting after we had been seated before anyone got around to serving us. We pointed out a table right next to us where people were smoking despite the non-smoking signs, and asked our waiter to tell them to stop smoking because one of our party was asthmatic and being near cigarette smoke was causing her problems. The waiter went over and asked for their order, but never asked them to stop smoking. We confronted him about it, and he said "oh, I misheard over the noise. I thought you were telling me that they were friends of yours and I should go serve them." Eventually, he did take our orders, and got everything wrong. This included putting things that two people were highly allergic to and had requested *not* to have. We asked for them to be remade, and he took them back to the kitchen, only to bring them back with the toppings obviously scraped off rather than being remade. Some of us gave up on him ever getting or orders correct after multiple tries. We ended up complaining to the manager. He initially said that it was a busy night and all their employees were pretty rushed, but as he heard the litany of our complaints, and the fact that many of us were leaving hungry after never having gotten food that we could eat, the manager ended up giving us the whole meal free with his apologies.

That was bad service, and we did leave the penny tip just to show it wasn't that we had forgotten to leave one. Leaving a dime for reasonably timely service with getting your order correct, and nothing brought cold that shouldn't have been? That is stingy. Hitting someone in the parking lot? That is physical assault. You should have been arrested. I can't believe you are bragging publicly about having such deficient ability to control your own emotions and behave in a responsible, adult fashion in a public place.

Anonymous said...

"Jocelyn Testes-Harder said...

I got plenty of money, and I didn't get that way by handing out a bunch of oversized tips."

I think you mean that you have plenty of money not, "you got plenty of money" please learn proper grammar. While I'm sure you probably dropped out of school right before you're 6th grade grammar test. I'm positive if you search amazon (they have the cheapest books which should help you're clearly ailing pocket book)you will be able to find some basic grammar books to remedy your problem.

Anonymous said...

Whoever wrote this is a fucking moron. I hope hell isn't too hot for you.

Anonymous said...

"Canadians" means "black' in waiter code. The waiters were being racist. Any experienced waiter knows this.

but you keep going out to eat... said...

Also, in most cases, waiter/waitresses do not keep all of their tips. Usually you tip the bartenders 10%, Food Runners (depending on the size of the restaurant) 10%, and the Bussers 15%. So do the math (start now, so you can figure it out by next week).

Anonymous said...

you are a redneck piece of shit. you are lucky they still serve trash like you at all

Anonymous said...

This just shows how stupid you are. Epic Fail FTL.

plan9fromouterspace said...

You are an awful person. You "detected" contempt in her eyes? Wow.

Anonymous said...

what fag puts the tip in the salt shaker? thats fucking disgusting.

Anonymous said...

maybe its me but i really dont see a point in tipping unless someone makes an extra effort to serve you.
in a state like CA where the min wage is 8/hr. i dont see why you would need to tip when theyre doing the job they signed up for, that being taking orders, and delivering food.
if i wanted to tip, i would give the chef something.

EATSHYT&DIE! said...

I'm amazed Jocelyn of what knowledge you have of the dry handjob buffing and/or "wet one" Long Island Tea drink exchange!
-- I take it you know the art of Hooking first hand by finding a means of income for your crystal-meth habit?

Please kill Yourself now and cull your self from the Gene-Pool, so that future generations wont be tainted.

P.s. Your children may need to be sterilized also.

-- The Service Industry of Oklahoma.

KTHXPLZDRVTHRU!

Anonymous said...

You are nothing short of an absolute bitch. I work as a waiter. "Server"? What the fuck are you, white trash? Yes is the answer to that one by the way. Everything you have said is demeaning and inappropriate. Seriously?

Anonymous said...

Nice! World-class ignorance! Have fun at your next Klan meeting!

Anonymous said...

HA! TARTAR SAUCE! She obviously revels in being waited upon. She must rotate restaurants often, or end up eating an usual amount of human excrement. What is her profession?

Anonymous said...

actually waiters/waitresses get paid 2.89 and hour to cover taxes at the end of the year. they see nothing from their paycheck and the only money they have at the end of the night is tip money. there is no such thing as min wage in the server world. so if your going to be a ignorant fuck and not tip waiter or bartender don't bother going out to eat. your just wasted space in the servers section if your not tipping.

Dietrich said...

People like you are why wife and I get crappy service when we're our with our kids.

Families are usually not so great tippers, and you, ma'am, take the cake.

Making lemonade at your table? Oooo, that's classy. Why don't you save your money for a night when you can afford to pay what is broadly accepted in a tip for service. Better yet, stay home and let us adults enjoy our nights out.

Anonymous said...

OMFG.

Seeing most of these comments makes me realize just how sad the world has become.

My wife has a little plaque on her desk that says "I see stupid people.. and they are everywhere"

Anonymous said...

This is a hilarious blog! I think tipping is the dumbest thing ever!!

LOVED YOUR BLOG!!! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK AND FORGET THE HATERS...They are the same people that think having an American Flag outside could offend people!

Anonymous said...

At first read, I thought this was written by a server as a joke. And I thought it was witty... Then I saw the author of the blog’s comments and I can honestly say I am shocked, no horrified. I had no idea people like you existed. To leave a dime for service you yourself said was decent is criminal! Oh my god I am speechless. And by the way, not sure what's going on at your backwards salon but most stylists only make 50% of services. So if your haircut costs $20 (which judging from your photo seems about right) they only get $10, the salon gets the rest. Hardly "decent money" by any standards.

Anonymous said...

Haha, its all good. Im sure that whenever this hag went back to that restaurant she suffered the wraith of the server and kitchen. Dirty food is the karmatic reaction to leaving a shitty tip for decent service. I dont even want to tell you what Ive done to peoples food, all with a smile on my face! :D Enjoy that you snaggletooth biatch!
Oh and you thinking your witty shows just how stupid you are.

I wish youd come into my restaurant. By the way its in the Bay Area, so you may have already been. Best Regards, try not to look at your food too much.

Anonymous said...

It's great fun being in Australia and reading the blogs on the intarwebs about tipping. It's better fun watching dumb Americans not understanding black humour. It's even more fun watching them not understand Irony, as in the shiatty attitudes the posters have with Jocelyn for her having a shiatty attitude.
In Australia we don't usually tip - we pay our wait staff enough to live on. Then, when we eventually receive outstanding service from said wait person, the wait person will receive an outstanding tip and will be grateful to receive it. Go Jocelyn - its giving me a giggle.

Anonymous said...

Essentially you proved the original two right about you being a bad customer that no server would want, all because you imagined some condescension based on what your server's co-workers said. You were the cheap, inconsiderate, rude, classless and violent person.

Anonymous said...

BTW... In server speak Canadian= Black person. Black people typically don't tip well.

Anonymous said...

You are abject meth-head whiskey tango trailer trash, bitch. Just curl up in a corner of Carl's Jr with your $5 burger.

Anonymous said...

I worked my way through college serving. Getting stiffed is part or the job. I would just shrug my shoulders and move on.

However, customers like you that revel in your idiotic cruelty were never forgotten. I always made sure those people got a little something extra in their food when they came back (and believe me...they always come back). Be nice to people that handle your food there sweetie.

Anonymous said...

GO BACK TO THE TRAILER PARK YOU REDNECK BITCH! I waited tables as a summer job and knew you redneck motherfuckers would always stiff me. Order a steak, make your own lemonade (too cheap to actually order...LEMONADE), boss my ass around, and then leave 50 cents on a $75 check. FUCK YOU. Jesus hates you.

Anonymous said...

shit, i leave at least 15% all the time. I've had times where i was just out of money and came back the next time the server was working to give them a tip. i just don't think you understand how hard the job is that they do. you tip they to for the service that you received, for the ability to sit back and relax. your tip is also going to the cook, and the clean up crew. i hope that tomorrow you wake up to the dying cry of your first born child stupid fat redneck peace of shit.

FUCK YOU.

Sam said...

Let me get this straight.... The two guys were being assholes and didn't want to take your table, but a nice girl comes along and says that she'll take it. She serves you competently, going above and beyond (by getting you enough lemons to make lemonade for 4), she didn't do anything wrong... but you left her a DIME because you had a FEELING (a small inkling) that she was looking down on you?

I think that you're just server-a-phobic. A waitress made a comment on your blog. I thought that she made a valid point and was extremely level headed. You called her a bitch. You don't even know her, you just don't like being second guessed - so you called her a bitch. I didn't think that you were so bad until you did that. Now I can say for sure that you ma'am, are a bitch.

Anonymous said...

Hahahahahaha! Thank you for an absolutely entertaining read! Funny funny stuff!

I fucking hate rednecks said...

Would you just lay down and die? I'd explain why but yer probably to stupid to understand.

Anonymous said...

Well, one only hopes that something horrible happens to you. Maybe like losing your job and in your hopeless destitute are forced to find employment in the service industry only to find that you have to wait on people just like yourself.

Oisín said...

@Anonymous:
"You americans crack me up. Why don't your restaurants, cab companies, bus companies etc pay your staff enough? You expect customers to pay for their products and to pay your salaries? Tipping is a stupid culture and should be abolished. Have fixed rates and be done with it."

Couldn't agree more! If you work in a place that rips you off, DO NOT TAKE IT OUT ON THE CUSTOMERS. Just DON'T FUCKING WORK THERE. Work somewhere that pays you a basic wage for your work, another industry if need be.
Christ, vote with your feet and take some control over your life.

And someone else suggested that you should tip because otherwise, the "servers" might sabotage your food and piss in your drinks. Well, isn't that precisely why they SHOULD NOT be tipped? Why reward that appalling attitude?

If I walk into a restaurant, eat the food and pay my bill, I should NOT be expected to leave a tip. If I do, it's a little bonus, if not, I already paid my bill so FUCK off.

Especially if I had overheard staff actually insulting me and my companions. WTF.

Here in Ireland, some restaurants (and pedicabs IIRC) refuse tips on principle - i.e. because any expectation that you should tip makes customers uncomfortable.

Have some respect for customers, FFS.

Oisín said...

@Anonymous:
"Dirty food is the karmatic reaction to leaving a shitty tip for decent service. I dont even want to tell you what Ive done to peoples food, all with a smile on my face! :D"

And that's why people shouldn't tip. It encourages scum like you to criminally sabotage people's food. Tipping should be a bonus (or banned), not an expectation.

I hope someone traces your IP, finds out who you are and hopefully sends you to jail for criminal damage, or at the very least gets you fired from whatever shitty diner you work at, never to be employed again. People like you shouldn't be allowed near food.

Anonymous said...

David Letterman called, he wants his gap tooth back. Did anyone tell you that is one crazzzy horseface u have there beyotch? WIIIIIILLLLLBURRRRR..........

Chris said...

Your rant is more offensive than your tipping practices. "Subtract 30% off the top so it's fair for everyboy"? So that makes it fair that you get to tax their tips? Do you pay the federal government that tax money? Of course you don't. Even though there are those people who don't claim all their tips to the IRS, there are those who have a enough sense of character (very much in the way you don't) to do so.

You're a self-centered, narcissistic, ego-maniac, practicing in solipsism is the most beguiling of ways. I hope that some day you are subjected to being forced into a position where you have to depend on tips to survive, so that you may truly know what it is to monitarily express your gratitude to someone who provides you a service of any kind.

The simple fact that you know how to negotiate a cheaper price from a prostitute, only serves to suggest that you either used to be, or still are one.

Anonymous said...

Wow! Those waiters were right.


White trash is as white trash does. Stay home and brush your teeth instead.

Anonymous said...

Do you notice that the waiters there recognized you and knew you would give problems yet some poor girl volunteered to wait on you thinking they would be wrong about you. Yet you where a complete bitch to her just like you treated the rest of the staff in the past. I think you need serious help lady! You are what makes the rest of us decent Americans look like assholes. My recommendation for you is to stay with buffets where there is no waiting staff because obviously you are just there to piss people off and nothing else!

Anonymous said...

Look, i like to eat out, i do, but the prices for the food, appetizers, and drinks are already absurd. Im not going to stay home and cook or go to Mcdonalds when i have a craving for something good. Im going to a restaurant and i will definately pay for it with these whacked out prices. If i leave a tip, its because you did more than you were supposed to, and if i didnt, then oh well and get the fuck over it already. the less people tip you the better anyways, cause then you may realize sooner that thats not what you want to be doing for the rest of your life. fuck tipping and all you bastards that expect it.

Anonymous said...

If you work in the service industry and this has offended you, you should really post a sign on the door of your establishment stating that "Jocelyn Testes-Harder is not welcome here."

Anonymous said...

You must be low on money, in which case, you should not be eating out. I've served for over twenty years and people like you, we laugh at and feel bad for you. HA! so the laugh is on you! you really should not be proud of your ignorance. Karma is going to come and take a big bite out of your ass.

Anonymous said...

Perhaps next time a member of the staff at a restaurant recognizes you, they'll simply have the good sense to refuse to serve you and make you leave. One can only hope that eventually you won't be welcomed in any eating establishment in Richmond. And if I see you in a place I happen to be, I will welcome the opportunity to make the world a better place and talk to management myself and hopefully get your ass escorted out.

Anonymous said...

I've got a tip for waiters & waitresses. Get another job!,if you can't take the heat stay out of the kitchen!.
I do tip when able,more less than able these days with sky rocketed prices every where you turn.
Some of these restaurants think that they are serving gold on a platter with the outrageous prices they charge!. That's who should offend you...your boss!. Not the customers that's making the owner rich while you're struggling your butts off!. People buy yourself groceries with the small fortune you are paying for one meal,you can have many when you cook it yourself. Love steak?,it's cheaper to buy it and grill it yourself and...NO TIP REQUIRED!!,I'll drink to that!.

Alex said...

ive been a busser and a waiter and you are everything we hate about customers. your unwarranted sense of entitlement and general bad attitude makes me hope you never come to my dine at my place of employment. if you ever come to a restaurant I'm working at and I recognize you I will make your breakfast lunch or dinner the worst fucking thing youve ever had to endure and if you slap me I will knock out another one of your teeth. And your husband wont do shit because deep down he knows you are the cunt of cunts, spawn of satan and an anthropomorphic personification of AIDS.

Anonymous said...

Jocelyn - you are a piece of shit.

Anonymous said...

you slapped the manager in the face? You scumbag. He was standing up to the shitty way you treated his staff who you admit did a good job and in return you physically assault him. You really are low-class trash. If I was the manager I would have called the cops.

I cant believe you seem to think you're some genius getting one up one people when you're actually a stupid, obnoxious cow - demanding a constant supply of water and lemons just so you can make free lemonade? No wonder the waiters recognized you as "that bitch" - I hope you parents appreciate what a hateful creature you are, you wont even pay for them to have a drink when you eat out - instead you force them to degrade themselves in public by making welfare lemonade. Pathetic, toxic bitch.

I really hope this blog is taking the piss as someone this awful in real life should be sterilized.

Anonymous said...

Wow... I guess its true:

You can take the girl out of the trailer park but you can't take the trailer park out of the girl.

Stick to McDonnalds you classless waste of space.

Anonymous said...

I hope you are screwing over those poor hard working kids for a good cause... like maybe some serious dental work so you no longer look like your mommy dropped you out of a trailer park window.

Anonymous said...

I don't understand what all the hostility is about towards Jocelyn. Servers are just trying to get sympathy out of the customer to get some extra money. I've worked as a cook for the past 3 years and I never get a tip for DOING MY JOB! Servers need to stop bitching and go with the flow.

Anonymous said...

Enjoy all the body fluids and fecal matter you consume when you "dine" out!

Waiter T shirt said...

thanks for the great info on tipping...We need to wake the public up because they just dont seem to get it...Here in TX we only make 2.13 per hour. Ouch

Anonymous said...

Wow. You are a total scumbag!! Don't think for a second that every time you go into a place that you've been before, that someone isn't spitting (Or worse)in your family's food. Just because you can't get more than $20 for a dry handjob (which isn't surprising after seeing your picture) doesn't mean that hard working service industry people don't deserve at least 20 percent!

Davis said...

i hope you enjoy the taste of human spit, feces, and/or hair in your food, you self-righteous bitch. to have to wait on someone hand-in-foot, deal with there condescending attitudes, and get them everything they want and then get in return an insulting amount or nothing makes people feel like shit. i do not work in the service industry, but i have before (although NOT as someone who gets tipped), and having someone such as yourself take money out of their pocket (tips are wages for servers, not just extra spending money!) to save a few bucks can make a good day go bad like a fender-bender. these people are SERVING you, like a servant would serve a king or some other rich asshole. by not tipping them, you are basically demeaning them to the status of a slave. i hope that semen in your soups tastes great, bitch!

James K said...

I love you! Down to earth, and explains from her point of view, the kind of woman, that we may not all like, but is real. Good job, Tell it how you see it, which is of course different to others, so its insight into another look at life. I think your just dandy!

Anonymous said...

Congratulations! You have, judging by the comments, the stupidest, most utterly retarded readership in the known blogosphere!

Anonymous said...

You think you have the right to slap someone's face for pointing out your obnoxious behaviour?? Personally I would have knocked your teeth out right there in the parking lot then had you charged with assault. Cunt

Anonymous said...

Wow, I live in Richmond and have worked as a waitress off and on. It is the hardest job I've had and I own my own business. Not only do waitresses only make 2.15 an hour which ends up with a $0.00 paycheck after taxes, waitresses also have to tip out the bar, kitchen, and host based on percentage of food sales. So if everyone tipped like you, we'd have no one in this industry, putting people out of business and work, and less money in the community. You are not only stiffing the waitress, but the entire restaurant, and Richmond. Don't go out to eat if you don't want to tip, you will get shitty service every time you return and earn a bad reputation. You should have been arrested for slapping him, but you're probably lying.

Anonymous said...

wow. Someone served you, gave you 'subconscious contempt' (whatever that means..) and you were extremely rude and left a dime as a tip and made her lose money. GOOD STORY! You are such a good, kind person! Also, you should probably never go back there...they will remember you. They will do nasty stuff to your food, like drop it on the floor or spit in it.

Isabel said...

"And missing one tooth hardly makes me toothless. If anything it makes me unpretentious. "

Hahaha I'll be chuckling all day over that line!

And as far as servers go, no matter how obnoxious a member of the public has ever been to me, I would never dream of putting snot or feces in their food.

What a disgusting bunch of sociopaths! You deserve what you get!

Anonymous said...

Jocelyn, I've never met anyone with your good looks and down-to-earth common sense. Please marry me.

Anonymous said...

Please Please stay the hell home with your retarded kin. Ignorant trash like you should never be allowed to breed.

Anonymous said...

You filthy slag! I actually enjoy waiting on you. Because I make sure to piss and spit on your food. Please hurry back you are the highlight of my week!

Anonymous said...

Um, I'm sorry, but I'm not going to pay for my meal and then shell out ANOTHER 20% just because the server brought me a glass of water once, then forgot to give me a fork, then didn't return to the table for 30 minutes, and then took another 20 minutes to give me the check and a box. I've never had good enough server to warrant a 20% tip.

And I love how all the comments are attacking the author rather than the article. Real classy.

Anonymous said...

So basically this white trash hick just admitted to stealing and assault in the same blog. What's sad is that with the money that I'm paying into taxes (EVEN WHEN YOU DON'T TIP ME) id going to pay for your fat ass to sit on the couch all day and then stiff me. Gotta love white trash moochers.

Anonymous said...

There's a special place in hell for people who screw over their servers! I make 2.13 an hour, and have to tip out 25% of my tips at the end of a shift. If you want to eat at a sit down restaurant, you should be prepared to leave a tip, otherwise, maybe you should stick to drive thrus, they seem more your style anyway! Serving is not an easy job, and tips are not handouts. I remember people who don't tip or tip bad, and if they come back, I do make sure that they have everything they need, but they are at the bottom of my priorities. If they come back a second or third time and don't tip, I will charge gratuity. I'm not sure what makes you feel like you're above the people serving you, and i'm sure youve eaten plenty of "altered" food because of it. The whole restaurant staff probably talks shit about you when you leave. Get over yourself! what goes around comes around bitch! Oh, and a handshake/jesus loves you/note/religious propaganda is NOT a tip, I consider that a slap in the face.

Anonymous said...

I've waited on people like this before, and although I find it mildy insulting, it doesn't ruin my night. Luckily the good tables outweigh the bad ones, and afterall, I'M not the miserable goon who can't enjoy a night out at a restaurant. I've chosen to be educated and this is how I have to support myself until I graduate. If you think tipping me a dime is going to ruin my night, you're wrong. I save that pleasure for the Deciphering Macroeconomic Models text book that awaits me when I get home.

Ashley said...

You people who think servers receive their entire tip are absolute idiots. Where I work at I tip out 10% automatically of my SALES to the chef being that I work at a hibachi restaurant. I'm tipping out that 10% regardless of if I make a tip or not, so if you leave me nothing I'm going to be owing money. On top of that I have to tip out my busboy 10% of the tips Ive made and then I have to claim my tips after I've tipped out all this cash. So after everything I'm still having my taxes taken out on what I have made.