Friday, November 19

Cowardly travellers!

The hip trend these days is to bitch about the TSA. Folks love getting indignant about their own precious rights, like they're only people on Earth who matter. Well what about those poor schlubs working in airport security, who are just trying to do a job and keep y'all safe? Do they deserve to be labelled as Nazis and pedophiles just because they need to check us out for drugs and knives? No way! They rank among the heroes in my book!

What we have here is just another backlash, and I understand why. It's easy to be frightened by increased security measures. But just imagine what those poor victims of 9-11 would think if they saw you throwing a hissy fit over a nice thorough screening! While you're distracting everyone in the security area with your foolishness, an attacker could be waltzing on through the metal detector with his hairy crotch packed full of ceramic weapons. Feel guilty yet? You should!

Personally I think y'all are acting like a bunch of cowards, afraid to have your unaroused genitals depicted in photographic detail. Some people are such prudes about showing their bodies that they even make up wild stories about how these backscatter scanning machines are filled with dangerous radiation. What they don't tell you is that these machines actually expose you to less radiation than you'd receive from microwaving an entire turkey with your head pressed against the door!

Some of you have asked to opt-out of that form of screening, so the TSA went out of their way to develop an "enhanced pat-down" as an alternative. How did y'all thank them for their consideration? You complained again, even though you have no reason to be so shy about having your camel toes and moobs gently twisted by burly TSA agents. Honestly, get over yourselves! The feel of those big curious hands are a small price to pay for our national security!

Deep down y'all know that you're just being selfish and stupid. That's why you've felt the need to play the "what-about-the-children" card so early in the game. As a mom, I can tell you that the TSA isn't putting your kids though anything that they won't experience during a doctor's visit for a tummy ache. These agents are professionals, after all. They've got sterile latex gloves on and everything. Your kids are going to cry on this trip anyway, so let them get it out of their system during the security screening so they can be quiet during the flight!

You may remain unconvinced...but don't you dare give me that crap about your Fourth Amendment rights! There's nothing in the Constitution about the right to fly. You can just take the damn bus, or a nice long train ride. Then your non-radiated, unmolested ass can smuggle all the drugs and other "junk" that your little heart desires. But don't be surprised if that jihadist in the next seat has the same idea that you do!