Tuesday, January 11

Cutback blues!

Our company has been doing some serious belt-tightening lately! Overtime has been eliminated, and nobody received a bonus last year. What little money we do get must be spent within the limits of a strict budget. That's why the higher-ups have put managers like myself in charge of these meager allowances. My people have nothing to worry about, because I'm damn good with money!

I've become a real chop-a-holic when it comes to waste! I got rid of all the office luxuries like our water coolers and free coffee. I've also switched us to half-ply toilet paper, and reduced our toilet tank's flushing capacity to just two cups. I even cut the cord to the ice machine because the maintenance on it is too expensive. I'm sure I'll hear some bitching about that one, but whatever. They can just buy their Big Gulps from the store like I do!

The company finally agreed to buy us some new office chairs last Fall. I took a few of my employees with me to the office supply store to get some opinions, and of course they collectively chose one of the most expensive models. I've got to admit, it's a nice chair. I got myself one for my office, but there wasn't much left over for everyone else. Luckily I was able to find these affordable "soda can" style chairs online. They combine cushiony comfort with the benefits of active sitting.

Not everyone was happy about my decision, and some even wanted to keep their old chairs, but I said, "no" because I don't want that chair budget to go to waste! I even used what was left over to buy myself a neat little mini-fridge for my office, and an ergonomic keyboard and mouse. I also picked up a lumbar support pillow, and a nifty foot rest for under my desk.

After all of the cutbacks and things I was surprised at the nice little budget they gave me to throw a holiday party for our office. It was just enough for a nice clean venue and some good catering. Why waste it? I decided not to tell anybody about the money and instead I got my car detailed and then went shopping at The Burlington Coat factory. They've got some cute stuff!

The folks in my office never knew better, so they got together on their own and organized a holiday luncheon. I brought a couple of 3-liter sodas but that's it. I've gotta say, this "luncheon" was some ratchet pot luck bullshit! I'm sorry but I don't trust food that was cooked in other people's homes.

I ended up throwing my full plate in the trash right in front of everybody and driving myself to KFC for a family style bucket with sides. Then I had my own little luncheon alone in my office!