Friday, October 16

The prodigal daughter!

Darla has finally returned! She's been gone since April, when she ran away from home. Apparently she got her fill of the "real world", and has come crawling back for some sense of normalcy. Even though she's a woman of sixteen now, I was still a bit worried for her this whole time. After hearing about all that she's been through I can't say that I blame her!

Apparently she left town with some wolf enthusiast who drives a 12-year-old Geo Metro. He had promised to take her to Humbolt County, California, but the car broke down somewhere in the Mid-West. They went for help, but ended up getting stranded with a commune of paranoid, drug addicted young hippies. They let Darla's friend go, but made her stay because they thought her pregnancy was suspicious.

While living as their captive, Darla was still able to sneak to a phone every now and then. Unfortunately I was ignoring her voicemails. She was scared and feeling sick from all the stress and homemade soy milk they were giving her, but none of them would let her leave "the farm" to visit a doctor. She escaped five months later by hitch hiking from the edge of the woods.

She immediately checked into a Catholic hospital where they discovered that she had miscarried three months earlier. They were kind enough to remove the calcified remains of the fetus despite Darla's lack of medical insurance. She signed a release form, which is too bad, because the procedure has rendered her sterile. I told her she should still sue those bastards! She'd be set for life!

From there she had to take whatever charity should could find until she finally made it home. But now what's she going to do? She's a dropout with no marketable skills and no baby to claim for welfare, or to use to get checks from a man. I'm trying to convince her to be practical about this, but she's reluctant to take my advice. All I'm saying is that she'll make a decent regular income if she'd consider getting all her teeth pulled. Of course little miss "woman of the world" thinks I'm wrong about that too.

I can't help but feel somewhat responsible for all this. I mean, I didn't stop her from leaving, and I never tried to find her after she left. I also ignored ten letters and at least twenty voicemails over the course of the last several months. And on some of those messages she was downright begging me to help her get home. But I knew deep down that she wouldn't have learned her lesson until she found her way home alone, the hard way.

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19 comments:

Barista said...

The same thing happened to my BFF in high school! Now she's a receptionist in a doctor's office, pulling in some serious cash in a little insurance fraud ring she's running. Neither her husband or boyfriend know about the insurance scam, so they both give her money for her bills every month. Win!

Anonymous said...

oviously you were too lienient with the child all along. A new get tough policy is needed bust those teeth out and get her posted up to craigslist casual encounters TODAY!

CochinitaPibil said...

You should have her to start taking pre-natal vitamens so her hair will grow faster & she can sell it to wig shops/salons for weaves.
Other than that, I would suggest that she should start renting our her womb, or selling some unfertilized eggs of hers. I mean, they're gonna go to waste every month as it is, might as well profit from it!

Meade Skelton said...

Sounds like a Hallmark Channel movie in the making !

Anonymous said...

"homemade soy milk"
BWAAA HAHAHAHAH!! Genius, Ms. Hard Testes!!

Stan said...

If she's sterile she's useless as a woman! How is she gonna get a man if she can't blackmail him with having his child?

Anonymous said...

Wow, I guess it's good you guys live in Richmond, VA, I wouldn't imagine you would be able to survive in anything less than shit.

About your woman daughter, you might as well just trick her out so you can rake in some sweet dough, since she you guys didn't get the chance to "sue the bastards" who helped your misfit, pregnant teen age daughter when her own mother was ignoring her voicemails.

Good luck to you, it sounds like you have carved out a nice piece of hell in that trash hole, Richmond.

Anonymous said...

She can always just fake a bunch of pregnancies and collect abortion money.

Dusty Chenille said...

I applaud your use of "tough love" here. Too many parents mollycoddle their children these days. We're going to become a nation of bedwetting little milquetoasts if that keeps up. Thanks for doing your part to keep America strong.

that's fucked said...

That's seriously some fucked up shit what the fuck is wrong with you

Anonymous said...

Wow! You are a seriously deranged individual. I hope you get everything that you deserve in life!

Anonymous said...

Jesus Christ lady how fucked up are you,
Your daughter tells you that she's being held against her will and you ignore her? No, but because of your "Great tough love parenting" now your daughter can never experience the miracle of childbirth even if shes wants to.

I suppose we should thank you though. If you didn't destroy your daughter's womb, she might have another baby from your inbred, hillbilly genepool.

Anonymous said...

Hilarious! You should be published.

Anonymous said...

teeth out! win!!!

i kno some guys from the republic of Saudi Arabia tied into Tx oil who would love to meet your daughter!

Anonymous said...

You're not only a horrible mother, but a terrible person overall. Isn't it 'Turn the other cheek'? She's your fucking daughter you idiot. I feel bad for her. She could've been normal if she didn't have a mentally incompetent, morally bankrupt, dumb whore of a mother. My lord and master Satan will see you in the furthest circle of hell.

Anonymous said...

What the fuuuuuuuuucccck is wrong with you people....

Anonymous said...

As far as i know, a child who is less than 18 years old can NOT enter into a legally binding contract like a medical release. the contract should be considered null and void. if i were you, i would consult an attorney asap to recoup damages for their obvious negligence, and the future pain and suffering that your daughter faces knowing she can never have her own child.

Anonymous said...

Do the world a favor and kill yourself.

Anonymous said...

Wow, this is really something. You are an amazing scum bag. Nice missing tooth. It's too bad your retarded hillbilly parents weren't sterile. To the person who offered their advice on how to make money, like selling hair, faking pregnancies and scams... get a fucking job like anyone with half a brain. What's wrong with you? Idiot.