Thursday, March 26

25 things to do when your favorite website is down!

1.Retry the URL 1000 times
2.Get in touch with your weeping
3.Play slap n' tickle with your significant other
4.Flip your SUV on an ice-covered road
5.Floss your ass with your roommate's favorite hoodie
6.Wax the floors and have a one man stocking foot race
7.Slap a couple flame decals onto your '88 Ford Tempo
8.Break out the old Salad Shooter and relive the magic
9.Eat a dozen sticks of chocolate scented lip balm
10.Actually do your job well for once
11.Make sure that your girlfriend has had all her shots
12.Replace that fart-stained pillow on your desk chair
13.Smack your balls between two planks of wood
14.Send your grandfather an experienced dominatrix
15.Force Dr. Phil to drink your hot stinky pee
16.Leave your fine young wife for a bitchy hag with 17 fat kids
17.Deep fry an entire deer for the juiciest venison possible
18.Deliberately ram someone for not making a right on red
19.Eat just one Lay's potato chip, deny yourself another
20.Invent a bike helmet that doesn't make kids look retarded
21.Force your mailman to the ground and tattoo his buttocks
22.Stock your fridge with nothing but Lunchables & Capri Sun
23.Down a few laxatives and shit yourself during an MRI
24.Bring your dog to the vet for a circumcision
25.Wash your fuckin' sheets for once, they're gross


Dog Breath said...

cYou aren't Satan but he's in your "five".

Why the extra Y chromosome today?

Jay Freez said...

#23 FTW!

Anonymous said...

as usual you must be the worlds most ignorent person. I give you 1 year and Phil will leave your ass.

Anonymous said...

How odd that you're the same person that said teachers should be the mothers of your children. STOP BLOGGING AND TEACH YOUR CHILDREN SOMETHING.

Johnny said...

Leave Jocelyn alone, she's just doing her thang! All these people sure know what's best for every one else. If you aint down with Jocelyn then just keep it moving.

Keep it up Jocelyn and thanks for inspiring me!

Lantern Bearer said...

You have broke my heart with this Phil thing. I'm gonna haul my Yazoo to Texas to help this "Chawmer" out.

Herbert Barry Woodrose said...

I m playn wit mysef to Joclyn pic. Yea hunny, luv it!!!

Anonymous said...

I think Jocelyn is a fine example of an upright, moral, Christian mother praise Him amen. While I despise her sin of divorce, she defied the feminist agenda by remarrying; both supplying her children with a father figure, and resuming her place as second in the household hallelujah.

Her fine examples of Old Testament living ensure that she will one day sing Amazing Grace with the angels and saints (not the catholic ones; Lord forgive me for using profanity); and NOT being dined on by the worm in HELL that NEVER DIES.

Baby Beatnik said...

I almost wet myself at 23. That's fucking priceless!

P.L. Frederick said...

I'm with Baby Beatnik, I lost it at #23. Heavens to Betsy! How do you come up with this hilarity? (No. Please don't tell me. Way too gross.)

Love and kissies,
P.L. Frederick, Esq. (Small & Big)