Thursday, March 19

For the love of Spring!



It's already feeling like Spring here in Virginia, and it's a beautiful thing. The feeling is taking over as sunlight lifts me from my foggy winter gloom. I've been sticking to my car's leather interior more and more, and I have an excuse to hide my permanent facial squint with a pair of sunglasses.

Signs of life abound. The neighborhood squirrels appear rested, and are up to their usual antics. The dog stinks even when he isn't wet. Birds build their filthy nests and attack passersby. Spiders return from hibernation to exact their revenge. And the Easter Bunny will hop into your room to lay some non-dairy chocolate colored eggs.

The Dogwood trees reveal their tender blossoms. Meter maids have an extra bounce in their step as they screw you out of $40. As if by instinct, migrant workers fly by overhead in that classic "V" shape formation. And folks enjoy early sightings of unfit slobs in cut-off jeans, with their adorable 2-foot long arm pit stains.

The smell of renewal and leftover decay is thick in the air. No more tripping over frozen dog poop on the way to the car. Now you can step in nice warm dog poop with your bare feet! And the noisy vibrations of bass-heavy rap blast obnoxiously from every piece-of-shit Richmond vehicle.

This is the time to plan for upcoming Summertime fun. The kids and I will take our usual trip to the Band-aid encrusted shores of Virginia Beach. On the way home I'll drown out their sunburn complaints by turning up the Tom Petty and lighting a fat spliff. At night our cares will melt away as we're lulled to sleep by the rhythm of the bug zapper.

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11 comments:

Anonymous said...

"Band-aid encrusted"? sounds lovely.

Anonymous said...

Whoa spring time in Virgina sounds beautiful for you my dear.
Do not be quick to forget the importance of planting and the cultivation of marijuana in the spring time so well have some bud for the summer fall and winter months!

Baron Von Crackenshorts said...

Jocelyn, you have a delightful way with words. Your springtime article has magically transported me to a better time and place, and for that I thank you.

Anonymous said...

If I may suggest - you should write more about what is wrong with America (like Blame the Teachers) & less about that fluffy - oh it's so sunny in Richmond crap - nobody wants to hear that

Flinthart said...

Spring Fever, baby! You and the new fella - Phil, the lucky bastard - you're gettin' busy, right? Gonna be another little Jilly-mae or maybe a Bobby-Joe around the place come December? You know you wanna! Besides, the rate your current crop is growing, you're gonna be missing out on some sweet government benefits in only a decade or so. You gotta think about the future!

Anonymous said...

At least you'll be listening to Tom Petty!

Anonymous said...

Hey Jocelyn, is this one of your relative?

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/hou/590888944.html

Lou said...

Virginia Beach sounds beautiful. An ideal place too for wearing both sunglasses and cut off jeans.

Brian said...

this post is great. I laughed from start to finish. Nothing like a trip to va beach, you never know what you will come across in the sand

MattOnFire said...

My wife was just talking about the armpit-stained shirts. Something about not being appropriate at a restaurant. When she starts paying for dinner, I'll start wearing new shirts. Ah, springtime.

Johnny Hugel said...

If you're gonna be going to the beach this summer, maybe that means I won't get stuck next to you at the river. Last time you had one of the kids pee directly upstream from where we were lounging.