Tuesday, July 21

I'm a naughty babysitter!

On the rare occasion that I have nothing to do, I like to earn extra cash by babysitting. Did you know that the going rate starts at $5 per hour per child? And it's untaxed! There's no reason to sit home drinking with my stupid kids running around when I could be getting paid good money to do the same thing at someone else's home with their stupid kids!

The kids aren't mine, so I'm not going to be a bitch. I let 'em do whatever the hell they want. And they always want to do what their parents won't let them. So I send them to play in the garage, or let them wrestle a couple of stray dogs in the back yard. While they're occupied with that, I'm taking cash and large coins from their piggy banks, or filling a bag with clothes that might fit my kids.

Since a babysitter isn't a parent, it's okay cut deals with the little fools. I always tell them that I don't want any fuss at bedtime, so I'll let them stay up 15 minutes later if they agree to not give me trouble. What they don't know is that I already turned the clocks ahead an hour, so now I have 45 extra minutes to enjoy myself before their parents get home!

It's when the kids go to sleep that babysitters really get to work. Sometimes you only have a couple hours to get everything done. You've got to eat all the good snacks, and put all the CDs and DVDs you want into the trunk of your car. It also takes time to rifle through their documents and drawers looking for savings bonds and gift certificates. When that's done I spend the rest of the time getting off with the parent's sex toys. And no, I don't bother washing them off when I'm done.

_

22 comments:

GhostBlogThaWhip said...

HAHAHA!!! no courtesy wash, what's this world coming to?

Charlotte said...

As long as you don't set anything on fire, it's all good.

capewriter said...

Are you available this Friday? Two kids, both boys ... age 12 & 10. I'll leave the toys out; bonds, too.

Anonymous said...

Ahem, now I know why it is a good idea to have hidden security cameras around the house when you hire a babysitter

Anonymous said...

you wanna come and babysit my kids...lol. funny stuff. yeah no courtesy wash? i thought the toys smelt funny.

Anonymous said...

dont their parents know what kind of white trash you are just by looking at you?yeah and while your at why dont you get the kids to make you fresh margaritas with the blender,idiot!someone should report your ass.your the posterchild for mandatory sterilization!

karen said...

Wow. Last "Anon" has no sense of humor.

time_lord said...

Yea your naughty and you need a spanking ...and im Just the MAN to give it to you if you know what i mean and i bet you do,

Anonymous said...

Hahaha! Made my night! Now I know to put the toys in the dishwasher when out sitter leaves!

Anonymous said...

Don't forget to take the kids any leftover paint you may have in your garage. Sure, the parents will pretend to be pissed off but we all know parents treasure their kids' artwork, especially on walls.
If I known as a teen than $1 an hour was a ripoff, I would have hunted down some of my younger bro's play-doh. That shit stuck to carpet like cement!
Ame in TN

Therbs said...

You are a true inspiration!

Anonymous said...

HAS your daughter had her litter yet. or did she eat them? just wondering

kat said...

your a piece of shit...get your tubes tied before i find you and kick you so hard the damage ruins any chance of pregnancy because your gonna get knocked up and be a bad parent like the bad sitter you are now ...

kat said...

your are pathetic not naughty. serious jail time is given for people who do things like that. you will get caught, u need an ass beating

Zoom said...

I have only two questions: Do you have anything communicable and do you travel? I have a ten year old stepdaughter in Baltimore and a wife who desperately needs a raging case of herpes. PS: Her vibe is in the blue case in her nightstand.

Charlotte said...

Two reasons I read your blog and why it's a link on my blog=
1) You are hilarious!!!
2) The gullible dumbasses who leave comments are almost as hilarious!!!

Patrick said...

Charlotte, have you ever heard the saying "it's funny because it's true"?

You might want to think again why you think Jocelyn is funny when she writes the truth about her life...

Charlotte said...

Patrick,
Seriously? Come on dude, seriously?

Anonymous said...

hehehe, ur kinda shootin urself in the foot here. All it takes is for someone to find this and use it all as evidence and you'd be in jail for quite a while.

Anonymous said...

You're disgusting...

Anonymous said...

Wow, not only do you look like trailer-trash with your incoherent understanding of the word "dental", but I'm surprised your not too old to get off.

What do you orgasm? Sand?

And i suppose this is the only way you can get off with your plumber husband and his ultra gay Dodge Caliber. Take about the lead vehicle for a pride parade.

And your vehicle is uglier than that? I'm impressed. Way to fail.

Anonymous said...

Wow, you're just plain fucked up.