It's never easy being a mom. First your own parents disappoint you through your entire childhood. Then you have some kids of your own, and they're an even bigger disappointment! I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I give 'em everything they need. Maybe my kids are just a bunch of duds. Let me describe a little of what I mean so you won't think I'm a terrible mother!
My three year old, little Jailen, is always a handful. The problem with her is that she don't know when to shut up! She points at everything and asks me all kinds of questions. I always say, "I don't know! Damn.", but she keeps doin' it, so she's obviously not getting the hint. That's when I make her take a time-out, where she has to stand in the corner until she falls asleep.
The problem with Brandon, my eight year old, is that he likes all these things like "High School Musical" and Disney Channel. He also likes to draw. I've encouraged him to take on more manly pursuits, but he refuses. He always wants hugs, but I know I'm not supposed to coddle him to much. That's why I've converted an old broom into what I call "the indifference stick". I make him hold one end while I hold the other. It keeps us at a comfortable distance that I think will be best for his development.
I'm proudest of my 15 year old, Darla. She's following in my footsteps and leaping into womanhood by accepting responsibility for her pregnancy. The only problem with her is that she's such a prude! She never wants to smoke or party with her mom (but she's more than happy to with her friends!). She also won't listen to me when I tell her that part time college courses are a waste of time! She's got a baby on the way!
You'd think this little rant would end there, but no, because even my new baby, Orenthal, has been wrecking my last nerve! He's always hungry! It doesn't matter if I'm smoking a cigarette or taking a shit, he wants to be right there at my bosom! Even when I'm at a bar having a drink I've got to sneak him in under my sweatshirt. And wouldn't you know it, as soon as I make it up onto the stool he starts making noise and moving all around. I've been kicked out of three bars just since he was born!