Tuesday, February 3

The 25 worst drinks to get drunk on!

1.Creme de Buddy Hackett's leg pits
2.Piss warm cans of Milwaukee's Best
3.Goat's milk margarita
4.Last-sip-of-everyone-else's-beer sangria
5.Bloody marys at a vampire cult party
6.Steven Hawkin's wheelchair cushion rum
7.Used Bud Ice out a latrine
8.Rotten Cheese & Old Wood European Lager
9.Johnny Walker: guy-with-a-plate-in-his-head formula
10.Chemical toilet schnapps
11.KahlĂșa on ice cubes made of viscous standing water
12.Mike's Heartburn Lemonade
13.Liquid propane martini
14.Rupaul's Own ready-to-drink mudslide mix
15.Hot Everclear & grenadine from a sports bottle
16.Viagra & Bacardi mixers at the old folks home
17.Irish cream out of a dirty cowboy boot
18.Orange Shasta and nail polish remover
19.Black & Tan & DNA evidence
20.Sally Jesse Raphael's panty wine
21.Bong water colada
22.Refreshing blue mouthwash cocktails
23.Aristocrat vodka colonic
24.Chunky curdled buttermilk shooters
25.Hugh Hefner's diaper contents, on the rocks



Therbs said...

Phew! Thanks for the heads up. It was just in time for me to send back a rejection to Hess' invitation to Buddy Hacketts Trouser chemical toilet cocktail party.

Anonymous said...

you are so fucking trashy I am amazed that Phil even wants to be with you. But then again it is a good way for him to avoid paying child support for your daughters bastard child.

Flinthart said...

Cold Fosters Lager
Warm Fosters Lager
Fosters Lager Ice Cream Float
Used Fosters Lager

...not necessarily in that order.

Anonymous said...

i hate you

Anonymous said...

You're a pretty funny girl. JUST KIDDING, you're a disgusting trashy whore. Phil must be either imaginary or insane.

Lantern Bearer said...

I was OK with the hilarity of this until I got down to the Blue Mouth Warsh. I don't get it. You have obvusly not been in jail in North Florida. We called it CVS's Best.

I was on my way up yonder but I broke down in Valdosta and had to pawn my Yazoo and title loan my truck and got arrested at the swap meet after I was axin' around about an eight-ball. They got no sense a humor in south Georgia.

Becca said...


Constance Velocity said...

Them's all bettern if otherns are bying 'em fer ya. I always order the LP martini when the mans bying, 'cuz it shows I have CLASS.

dale said...

You missed the "Blind Hillbilly": Bowman Vodka and melted cough drops, filtered through a tractor radiator

Anonymous said...

Oh my god. I can't believe you're being serious. That just makes this that much more hilarious.

Anonymous said...

You look like a crack head, the internet wishes you never found it.

Anonymous said...

I recall a time when warm Beast was the ONLY drink to get drunk on...

Oh, what cruel tricks time plays- one minute, you're fifteen and chugging warm Milwaukee's Best, and the next you're a washed-up old beer snob going for the ice-cold Natural Light....