Friday, February 6

Some guys can't take a compliment!

Our office has been really backed up on new invoices lately, so they gave me the opportunity to hire a temp. After sending us a couple of losers, the agency finally sent me someone I thought I could work with. He's a nice young married man, 22 years old, and in fantastic shape. Yes, I'm engaged right now, but that don't mean that I can't look. I ain't dead yet, folks!

He's a shy kid, so I've tried to make him feel comfortable by just being myself. I figured a few dirty jokes would break him out of his shyness. Then I tried boosting his confidence a bit more by patting him on the back or caressing his neck when he does a good job. I even told him that I thought he had a cute butt! Yet after all this he's just as shy as ever!

Then I thought I could get him out of his box by teasing him a little. I asked him about what kinds of things he liked to do to his wife. He told me that his wife was pregnant, and I offered a fun response about how pregnancy could have been avoided. I also left a silly photoshop on his desk of he and I having dirty sex, but he just threw it away without even saying anything!

Well I don't know what it is about him, but the more he avoids me, the more I think I like him! I've even resorted to some straight forward flirting! Yesterday, when he came into the lounge for his morning break, I was already in there, stirring his yogurt cup with my finger. Just as he realized what I was doing I pulled my finger out, put it in my mouth, and sucked the yogurt off. I've never seen a man blush so red!

Apparently that was it for him. He went to my director and told her that he didn't appreciate my behavior. The director and I have actually made friends over the last few months, so she wasn't hearing it. She told him she'd talk to me, and to go back to his desk. Then she called me in and told me to fire him if he's a problem. Since he's a temp it's no problem sending him away. Maybe I'll be generous and offer him an opportunity to save his job.

_

41 comments:

Anonymous said...

I frankly don't see how any REAL man could turn you down! I'd be all over you in a second. Fire him!!!

Anonymous said...

Keep it up bitch & you will have a sexual harassment lawsuit on your table soon

Only thing he has to do is find this blog & you will go down quicker than a hooker on a train

Anonymous said...

Stupid people are easy targets for karmic retribution. That's some messed up crap screwing with peoples lives for your own amusement.

Enjoy what comes to you, you get what you deserve.

Anonymous said...

You are a idiot. Nothing more than a fucking trashy ass whore. No wonder you have no friends. Everyone cnt stand you and your ignorant self. But then again, you still try. But that is all you trashy ass bitch.

obbop said...

Jocelyn, a short skirt or dress. A garter belt and stockings that are visible when you move in the proper way.

A low cut top with a sensuous see-through bra that hoists your mammalian protrusions upwards, exposing as much as is inappropriate.

Stop by Macys or other higher-end retail place where a trained proficient appiler of make-up can give you that perfect look of unadulterated sensuality.

With a pregnant wife thus a kid on the way and with the lad not set regarding job/career a twenty-dollar bill can also add to the lad's desire to engage in frivolous frolics with you.

Johnny said...

All these "Anonymous" people are just jealous of you and obviously unfunny as well. Keep it up girl!

Anonymous said...

Oh my god, you crack me up! I aspire to be just like you if the opportunity to hire a temp ever comes my way!!!

Anonymous said...

Joss
You are wicked girl!

indolent mendicant said...

That little temp boy don't know how good he got it. I would LUV to have my boss get all close and flirty with me. Work sucks alot less when you got some Jocelyn to look forward to!!!!

Flinthart said...

You know what? I think the 'pregnant wife' thing is just cover. I think he's just trying to cover up the fact that he's gay, or at least he thinks he is.

You're taking the wrong tactic here. Everybody knows that gays can be straightened out by the right woman, but you've got to know how to approach 'em. You've gotta speak their language, as it were.

Get yourself a strapon. A really sizable one, with all the vibrating bits. Hell, he's a temp - you can ask him for advice, even send him out to pick one up for you on his break. That'll get his attention!

Justin J. said...

This blog is awesome. Nuff said.

Therbs said...

Valentines Day coming up and that opens a great big door of opportunity. From chocolate genitals through to 'novelty' valentine's cards delivered by Venezualan strippers.
He's obviously too timid to do things himself so my guess is that the baby is from a donor. Maybe he needs to be asked about that?
Ya know what these shy types really enjoy? Whips, handcuffs and collars. Git at 'em.

Anonymous said...

I don't get offended easily, but wow. I hope that was made up, otherwise you should be fired from your job immediately.

Anonymous said...

You are such a fucking idiot.

Everytime i read your blog I hope you die, you are a pathetic piece of shit.

Lowell Internet said...

I approve of this blog.

Anonymous said...

Mohahaha, that is awesome.

Anonymous said...

Oh man, now I have a big old chubby.

Anonymous said...

This reads more like sexual harassment then anything else. Perhaps you should watch the videos that most HR dept. have explaining what is and is not appropriate. I feel sorry for the temps who are seemingly judged by their looks and their willingness to play along with your unprofessional conduct then whether they can do the task assigned to them.

Dante d'Amore said...

This blog is hilarious! Even the "anonymous" comments. Pure genius. Wish I had thought of it. Bravo.

Anonymous said...

LMFAO...You dumb toothless cunt

LSTB said...

"Stirring his yogurt cup with my finger"---Oh, please, please, PLEASE tell me that this is a euphemism for something even more disgusting!!!

Anonymous said...

"dumb toothless cunt" lol!! I'm not shy and I wouldn't give u the opportunity to flirt with me. The guys loyal to his wife. Loyalty is something you'll never understand.

Anonymous said...

OMFG,

The reason he won't give you any play is because you look like a redheaded wicked witch. Maybe he has a decent woman at home doing it right and keeping him loyle. All I know is I've seen crack whores that look better than u. I would't wish u on my worst enemy.

Anonymous said...

I hope the man finds this blog. I hope he sues you AND the company for all you're worth, and I hope your fiance dumps your skanky ass for it.

I can't believe your boss could be in on it. You're either a shameless slut, or an incorrigible liar. Either way, you disgust me.

Anonymous said...

Hi,
I am the temp this blog is talking about. Now that I know what you were trying to do, I am TOTALLY with it! The married and pregnant story was just because I am so shy. So sorry I didn't catch on earlier!

Anonymous said...

Wow, just wow.

He's taken, don't torture him just because you can.

No matter how hot your body is, you're ugly on the inside.

Anonymous said...

You openly admit to sexual harassment? If a man blogged about this, then you would be wanting his head on a platter, but you, it's ok? Also miss brainless, this is legally binding for litigation cases with ample witnesses. You cannot delete this post as google has the cache for 2 years and waybackmachine which tracks all webpages, for a decade.
Congratulations, you just signed your own termnination and possible civil litigation suit.

Anonymous said...

He must be one of "those" types..not outwardly gay - but years of repression have forced him into some sort of hetero connection and a baby came out of it. Screw him - have your fun and he is a dip shit if he doesn't at least get a hummer out of it.

Anonymous said...

judging by your picture i would run the fuck away if i saw you with the yogurt. your ass should get fired.

Anonymous said...

Jesus Christ, are you missing teeth? You embody the spirit the spirit of white trash, and your unjustified confidence makes you seem like those obese skanks at clubs that stand around shouting "Oh, I know you want this!"

Btw, I'm pretty sure all these positive comments are made by your white trash husband under different names

Go eat a bag of dicks

Anonymous said...

You look nasty, like really nasty, and if I saw you doing that to MY yogurt, I'd probably slap the shit out of you. . . You are one nasty yogurt bitch who should be fired.

Anonymous said...

So, I read this post. Then I saw your pic. Then it all made sense.

Why isn't he giving in to your advances? Because you're ugly as hell. Replace that missing tooth, change your hair, get some surgery, and get him a handle of vodka to increase your chances by 15%.

Hannah and Lauren said...

You have got to be the most nasty digusting piece of backwoods trash i have ever wasted my time laughing at. You're not sexy, and neither are your tatoos. And buy a fake tooth.

Mae W. said...

Jocelyn, You are hilarious! Great social commentary on harassment in the workplace. I hope people continue to be the mindless drones they are, take all you say literally, and not reading between the lines. It make the comment section more entertaining :)
Most of you who commented, You are the product of your inbred ancestors. Get a sense of humor and a book on avoiding basic grammatical errors. Thank you all.
P.S. does this mean there's a position avail? I'd love to work under you, Joce!

Anonymous said...

What happened to your missing tooth?

Anonymous said...

Your readers are almost more disgusting than you are.

Learn how to take no for an answer.

Sooz said...

Um .. you realize this is sexual harassment, right? You realize that what you are doing is illegal, and that firing him because he doesn't respond to your unwanted sexual advances is ALSO illegal ... right? You are abusing your power and abusing that poor boy.

I've seen your blog once before, I think, and it was equally ridiculous then.

Anonymous said...

Before that door closes behind him, you smack that ass, you smack it hard...

Anonymous said...

You are a horrible person and ought to be shot.

Stop harassing other human beings

Anonymous said...

Take what you wrote, and swap the gender-specific references, then reread it. That kind of behavior from a man in the office would land a giant harassment lawsuit and get the dude fired. New employees are shown videos detailing this kind of behavior, and why it's wrong, as part of their new employee orientation. If a man had made a similar blog post, he would be villified publicly. The post would be a prime example of what women's rights group describe as a typical attitude in a male-dominated work environment.

Do you realize this?

Anonymous said...

fuck everything about what you just said. This is the most messed up shit I have seen. This is both sexual harassment, and a deplorable thing for a human to do. Fuck you, you bitch