I don't know what it is about the sight of a man doing nothing that just makes my blood boil! I know Phil works hard, and I respect that. But that don't mean he's gotta sit on ass and watch football every Sunday when I've got other things in mind that he could be doing. Of course I realize that Phil needs to relax sometimes. That's what sleep is for!
But in the waking hours he should want to spend every moment helping make a better life for me and my kids. I've tried dropping hints about how the kids' rooms are a mess, the garage is full of my ex-husbands former belongings, and my bathroom is in need of a good cleaning. Plus the wedding is coming up, and Phil hasn't even started going through my address book to send invitations to my friends.
I guess he doesn't get the fact that our life together started the minute he proposed. He seems to think that just because we're not living together yet he can still spend hours at his own house, doing his own thing. He already knows that as soon as he buys our new house I'm going to rent out my townhouse, but he hasn't even bothered to post it on Craigslist for me!
I can't wait until we're living in a nice planned development, and I've got Phil under my thumb where he belongs. All doubt will be removed because I'll be able to plan his day for him, and adjust the schedule thoughout the day. He won't have to worry about pissing me off any more, because I'll make sure that he's always doing the right thing. Then we'll both be happy!
Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 17
Friday, February 6
Some guys can't take a compliment!
Our office has been really backed up on new invoices lately, so they gave me the opportunity to hire a temp. After sending us a couple of losers, the agency finally sent me someone I thought I could work with. He's a nice young married man, 22 years old, and in fantastic shape. Yes, I'm engaged right now, but that don't mean that I can't look. I ain't dead yet, folks!
He's a shy kid, so I've tried to make him feel comfortable by just being myself. I figured a few dirty jokes would break him out of his shyness. Then I tried boosting his confidence a bit more by patting him on the back or caressing his neck when he does a good job. I even told him that I thought he had a cute butt! Yet after all this he's just as shy as ever!
Then I thought I could get him out of his box by teasing him a little. I asked him about what kinds of things he liked to do to his wife. He told me that his wife was pregnant, and I offered a fun response about how pregnancy could have been avoided. I also left a silly photoshop on his desk of he and I having dirty sex, but he just threw it away without even saying anything!
Well I don't know what it is about him, but the more he avoids me, the more I think I like him! I've even resorted to some straight forward flirting! Yesterday, when he came into the lounge for his morning break, I was already in there, stirring his yogurt cup with my finger. Just as he realized what I was doing I pulled my finger out, put it in my mouth, and sucked the yogurt off. I've never seen a man blush so red!
Apparently that was it for him. He went to my director and told her that he didn't appreciate my behavior. The director and I have actually made friends over the last few months, so she wasn't hearing it. She told him she'd talk to me, and to go back to his desk. Then she called me in and told me to fire him if he's a problem. Since he's a temp it's no problem sending him away. Maybe I'll be generous and offer him an opportunity to save his job.
_
He's a shy kid, so I've tried to make him feel comfortable by just being myself. I figured a few dirty jokes would break him out of his shyness. Then I tried boosting his confidence a bit more by patting him on the back or caressing his neck when he does a good job. I even told him that I thought he had a cute butt! Yet after all this he's just as shy as ever!
Then I thought I could get him out of his box by teasing him a little. I asked him about what kinds of things he liked to do to his wife. He told me that his wife was pregnant, and I offered a fun response about how pregnancy could have been avoided. I also left a silly photoshop on his desk of he and I having dirty sex, but he just threw it away without even saying anything!
Well I don't know what it is about him, but the more he avoids me, the more I think I like him! I've even resorted to some straight forward flirting! Yesterday, when he came into the lounge for his morning break, I was already in there, stirring his yogurt cup with my finger. Just as he realized what I was doing I pulled my finger out, put it in my mouth, and sucked the yogurt off. I've never seen a man blush so red!
Apparently that was it for him. He went to my director and told her that he didn't appreciate my behavior. The director and I have actually made friends over the last few months, so she wasn't hearing it. She told him she'd talk to me, and to go back to his desk. Then she called me in and told me to fire him if he's a problem. Since he's a temp it's no problem sending him away. Maybe I'll be generous and offer him an opportunity to save his job.
_
Thursday, January 15
What a girl wants!
As I mentioned in my last post, Phil and I are gettin' hitched! He truly is the prince I've been waiting for! I figured that setting up a few ground rules was the only way to ensure that the fairytale continues. So I've laid out my demands, and Phil has accepted them! It's like a dream come true!
My first demand was a big fat rock for my finger. I told him that I wouldn't settle for less than a 2 carat stone. Phil came through like a champ with a gorgeous ring that must have cost him about 4 months of income from his plumbing business
I've also made him promise to buy me a new house. I've always wanted to live in a big planned community! Something without a bunch of ugly trees, and carpeted in beautiful fake lawns. I love the kinds of houses they have there. I think they call them "McMansions", probably because they're quick to build and totally awesome!
I assured Phil that even though I like the fact that he's an older, more mature gentleman, that distended old nut sack of his has got to go! But I'm not suggesting castration! A simple cosmetic scrotal tuck will do just fine. I'm making him an appointment with a plastic surgeon for next week.
I'm telling you, this is going to be a new start for us for real! So it only makes sense that a few changes should be made. That's why I've told Phil to have his old hound put to sleep. I'm not going to have that goddamn thing stinking up my new house, or barking at the neighbors who live 20 feet away.
There's one more condition, and this one was almost a deal breaker. But I wouldn't back down...not after all the cheating that went on with my last husband! I will not be made the fool! So starting the day after our honeymoon, Phil will be wearing a male chastity kit, which will be locked by me each morning, and unlocked each night upon his return home.
My first demand was a big fat rock for my finger. I told him that I wouldn't settle for less than a 2 carat stone. Phil came through like a champ with a gorgeous ring that must have cost him about 4 months of income from his plumbing business
I've also made him promise to buy me a new house. I've always wanted to live in a big planned community! Something without a bunch of ugly trees, and carpeted in beautiful fake lawns. I love the kinds of houses they have there. I think they call them "McMansions", probably because they're quick to build and totally awesome!
I assured Phil that even though I like the fact that he's an older, more mature gentleman, that distended old nut sack of his has got to go! But I'm not suggesting castration! A simple cosmetic scrotal tuck will do just fine. I'm making him an appointment with a plastic surgeon for next week.
I'm telling you, this is going to be a new start for us for real! So it only makes sense that a few changes should be made. That's why I've told Phil to have his old hound put to sleep. I'm not going to have that goddamn thing stinking up my new house, or barking at the neighbors who live 20 feet away.
There's one more condition, and this one was almost a deal breaker. But I wouldn't back down...not after all the cheating that went on with my last husband! I will not be made the fool! So starting the day after our honeymoon, Phil will be wearing a male chastity kit, which will be locked by me each morning, and unlocked each night upon his return home.
Tuesday, December 30
All my exes live in Richmond!
If you've ever lived in Richmond then you know what a small town it can be. You can barely leave the damn house without running into past acquaintances, former coworkers, and of course, romantic exes. It's always awkward when you have to greet someone you haven't seen in a long time, but more especially when it's someone you've dated!
I'm quite popular with the fellas, so I'm always seeing old lovers out and about. If he's alone I'll usually either ignore him or give him a disinterested nod. But if he happens to be with a woman, it's different. For some reason I've just got to make the situation unbearable for all concerned!
I start out with a hello, and wait for an introduction to his companion. Then, as I shake her hand weakly, I look her over from her shoes all the way to her face. By the time we make eye contact I've got a nostril raised in disgust. Then I start ignoring the woman completely. I ask my ex how his mother or house pet is doing. Then I gaze longingly as he's answering the question.
Sometimes I'll flirt in an obvious manner to make his new girlfriend or wife feel threatened and uncomfortable. Other times I'll emasculate him by implying jokingly that he's a lousy lover, or incapable of taking care of himself or anyone else. If the mood is right I'll suggest that one of my kids might be his. It's also fun to coyly request his new cell phone number!
The best things to say are the things they don't expect. I'll say that I've been looking all over for him because he might have an STD. I'll subtly hint that he still owes me money for an old used car, or a long forgotten abortion. Then I start groping myself and talking about how much I miss him! It's about that time that he will politely end the conversation and walk away in a hurry, and I know that my work is done.
I'm quite popular with the fellas, so I'm always seeing old lovers out and about. If he's alone I'll usually either ignore him or give him a disinterested nod. But if he happens to be with a woman, it's different. For some reason I've just got to make the situation unbearable for all concerned!
I start out with a hello, and wait for an introduction to his companion. Then, as I shake her hand weakly, I look her over from her shoes all the way to her face. By the time we make eye contact I've got a nostril raised in disgust. Then I start ignoring the woman completely. I ask my ex how his mother or house pet is doing. Then I gaze longingly as he's answering the question.
Sometimes I'll flirt in an obvious manner to make his new girlfriend or wife feel threatened and uncomfortable. Other times I'll emasculate him by implying jokingly that he's a lousy lover, or incapable of taking care of himself or anyone else. If the mood is right I'll suggest that one of my kids might be his. It's also fun to coyly request his new cell phone number!
The best things to say are the things they don't expect. I'll say that I've been looking all over for him because he might have an STD. I'll subtly hint that he still owes me money for an old used car, or a long forgotten abortion. Then I start groping myself and talking about how much I miss him! It's about that time that he will politely end the conversation and walk away in a hurry, and I know that my work is done.
Monday, October 13
Public displays of affection!
Phil took me out to a real fancy seafood place for dinner last night. It was a total surprise! I was just out in the utility shed in my housedress huffing some jenkem when I heard him calling me from inside the townhouse. I came in and he had flowers and was all dressed up in his fancy church clothes. Just the sight of him had me blushing like a dumpy virgin!
I got myself gussied up with my one nice maternity dress, and a few sprays of Paris Hilton's "Can Can" perfume. He drove us downtown, and I tell ya, he was sweet talking me the whole way! I really felt like a princess! Then he pulled out a blunt that he had rolled with some of those banana flavored cigar papers that I like so much! We got high as shit! He even found us a nice parking spot right in front of the restaurant!
We shared a double order of raw oysters as an appetizer. By the time the entrees arrived I was hornier than a sick old cat in heat! That's how it is sometimes when you're pregnant, stoned, and full of raw shellfish. I started making eyes at Phil, dipping my fingers in my bowl of fish chowder and teasing him with them. He responded with some heavy petting under my dress. Then I got a bit bolder and hopped up on his lap!
It was about that time that the restaurant manager showed up and asked us nicely to get our asses out of there. This guy clearly meant business. He had an uneasy look on his face, like he was going to vomit, or start throwing punches. We left quietly, and rather embarrassed. I honestly don't understand why it's okay to breastfeed a baby in public, but not a drunken bearded man. I can't help it if I'm blessed with early lactating! It's just how I was made!
I got myself gussied up with my one nice maternity dress, and a few sprays of Paris Hilton's "Can Can" perfume. He drove us downtown, and I tell ya, he was sweet talking me the whole way! I really felt like a princess! Then he pulled out a blunt that he had rolled with some of those banana flavored cigar papers that I like so much! We got high as shit! He even found us a nice parking spot right in front of the restaurant!
We shared a double order of raw oysters as an appetizer. By the time the entrees arrived I was hornier than a sick old cat in heat! That's how it is sometimes when you're pregnant, stoned, and full of raw shellfish. I started making eyes at Phil, dipping my fingers in my bowl of fish chowder and teasing him with them. He responded with some heavy petting under my dress. Then I got a bit bolder and hopped up on his lap!
It was about that time that the restaurant manager showed up and asked us nicely to get our asses out of there. This guy clearly meant business. He had an uneasy look on his face, like he was going to vomit, or start throwing punches. We left quietly, and rather embarrassed. I honestly don't understand why it's okay to breastfeed a baby in public, but not a drunken bearded man. I can't help it if I'm blessed with early lactating! It's just how I was made!
Thursday, July 31
Goochland County's most eligible bachelor!
With his permission, I've decided to introduce y'all to my new man, Phil! Some of y'all may already know Phil "Mushy" Plums through his contracting business, or from seeing him around the Colonial Downs OTB on Broad St. Here's a picture of him enjoying a morning cup of my famous homemade cigarette juice:
Phil is the perfect combination of masculinity and sophistication. He may be a Southern man, but he ain't no slack jaw! He's got a quick, gravelly way of talking that damn near melts my stretch pants off! He can sing like Gomer Pyle, and dance to anything, even jug band music! But what really gets me wet n' bothered is that he drives a classic 1986 Monte Carlo!
Of course he collects guns and old beer cans, as any man should. But he also maintains a world class collection of antique ivory butt-plugs, as well as a shed full of domestic animal furs. His home decor is really something special. I would describe it as "Antiques Roadshow" meets "Home Shopping Network" meets "Powhatan Refuse Transfer Station.".
I can tell that this man is ready to get serious. The second time I slept over his house he gave me a brand new Tweety Bird night dress! He starts my van for me in the morning so the A/C gets nice and cold before I get in! He's even been keeping a few cans of my favorite drink, Chelada (Bud Light & Clamato), in his fridge. Sometimes I don't ever want to leave!
Well I'll stop now because if I say any more you bitches will probably try to come take my man from me! Just kiddin'! I'm sure y'all know that I'd kill y'all! I'm gonna give this man the best of my lovin', so nobody better be getting under those overalls but me!
Phil is the perfect combination of masculinity and sophistication. He may be a Southern man, but he ain't no slack jaw! He's got a quick, gravelly way of talking that damn near melts my stretch pants off! He can sing like Gomer Pyle, and dance to anything, even jug band music! But what really gets me wet n' bothered is that he drives a classic 1986 Monte Carlo!
Of course he collects guns and old beer cans, as any man should. But he also maintains a world class collection of antique ivory butt-plugs, as well as a shed full of domestic animal furs. His home decor is really something special. I would describe it as "Antiques Roadshow" meets "Home Shopping Network" meets "Powhatan Refuse Transfer Station.".
I can tell that this man is ready to get serious. The second time I slept over his house he gave me a brand new Tweety Bird night dress! He starts my van for me in the morning so the A/C gets nice and cold before I get in! He's even been keeping a few cans of my favorite drink, Chelada (Bud Light & Clamato), in his fridge. Sometimes I don't ever want to leave!
Well I'll stop now because if I say any more you bitches will probably try to come take my man from me! Just kiddin'! I'm sure y'all know that I'd kill y'all! I'm gonna give this man the best of my lovin', so nobody better be getting under those overalls but me!
Saturday, July 12
A REAL Man (is hard to find)!
I'm sick of it, y'all! I'm sick of the saps, the smart pricks, and the pretty boys! Why is it so damn hard to find a real man? I guess I can't ask that question without first telling you what I mean.
The thing that bothers me these days is how all these fancy men out there always want the best. The best foods, the best clothes, and the best cars. I hate that shit!
I want man who drives an '87 for pickup. It has a rusted out bed which is half filled with beer cans. The ash tray is full of butts, and there's a three-legged dog tied up in the passenger seat.
The man I'm talking about buys only the cheapest coffee on the shelf. Drinks the cheapest beer in the cooler. He craves the lowest quality meats available for his dinner, (like a Hardee's Thickburger, or a big dirty Hungryman frozen dinner).
My dream man wears nothing but "No Fear" T-shirts, tighty whities that are no longer white or tight, and generic Walmart sweatpants, the ass of which are in a perpetual state of moistness.
I sure as shit don't want no indoor man! I want a man who works outside! Dead skin should be peeling from his pink shoulders at least 7 months out of the year. He should spend the whole day on a roof, talking to Mexican laborers about big titty blonds. And when he comes home from being barked at all day by his foreman, I want him angry and stinking like a grizzly bear's dingy musk sack!
When it comes to looks, you can forget those fine, ladylike features that you see on the male actors and models of today. I want a butt ugly pig man! For starters, he should have a huge overbite, along with a good-sized underbite. I want his head bald, his neck covered in razor burns, and every other inch of him to be swarthy with thick, matted hair! I want greasy, leathery shoulder blades that stick out to next week! And uneven, gnarly, razor-sharp fingernails that are packed with pork rind crumbs, and reek of WD-40. I promise myself now that I will settle for nothing less than a big old pair of rotten feet that stink worse than day-old boiled chitterlings.
I think y'all are getting the picture! So all you pink polo wearing sissies, with your straight-razor haircuts and your boxer-briefs can save your fresh, minty breath! When my next man comes along, he'll be draggin' his nuckles and luggin' his hunched back right into my heart!
The thing that bothers me these days is how all these fancy men out there always want the best. The best foods, the best clothes, and the best cars. I hate that shit!
I want man who drives an '87 for pickup. It has a rusted out bed which is half filled with beer cans. The ash tray is full of butts, and there's a three-legged dog tied up in the passenger seat.
The man I'm talking about buys only the cheapest coffee on the shelf. Drinks the cheapest beer in the cooler. He craves the lowest quality meats available for his dinner, (like a Hardee's Thickburger, or a big dirty Hungryman frozen dinner).
My dream man wears nothing but "No Fear" T-shirts, tighty whities that are no longer white or tight, and generic Walmart sweatpants, the ass of which are in a perpetual state of moistness.
I sure as shit don't want no indoor man! I want a man who works outside! Dead skin should be peeling from his pink shoulders at least 7 months out of the year. He should spend the whole day on a roof, talking to Mexican laborers about big titty blonds. And when he comes home from being barked at all day by his foreman, I want him angry and stinking like a grizzly bear's dingy musk sack!
When it comes to looks, you can forget those fine, ladylike features that you see on the male actors and models of today. I want a butt ugly pig man! For starters, he should have a huge overbite, along with a good-sized underbite. I want his head bald, his neck covered in razor burns, and every other inch of him to be swarthy with thick, matted hair! I want greasy, leathery shoulder blades that stick out to next week! And uneven, gnarly, razor-sharp fingernails that are packed with pork rind crumbs, and reek of WD-40. I promise myself now that I will settle for nothing less than a big old pair of rotten feet that stink worse than day-old boiled chitterlings.
I think y'all are getting the picture! So all you pink polo wearing sissies, with your straight-razor haircuts and your boxer-briefs can save your fresh, minty breath! When my next man comes along, he'll be draggin' his nuckles and luggin' his hunched back right into my heart!
Thursday, July 3
Man trouble!
Re'quan had the nerve to break up with me last night! He said he was turned off because I suddenly have a visible STD that he didn't know about. I told him that it's not my fault! My goddamn kids were mad at me, so they hid my Valtrex! Those little creeps are gonna pay for that shit!
It's probably for the best. I was starting to get suspicious of him anyway. Either he or his friend took some money from my purse last week while I was taking a shower. He had somehow convinced me to invite one of his boys from the club over for a 3-way. It wasn't as hot as I'd hoped it would be. At one point I think they forgot I was even there.
The problem with men is, you can't trust them. They follow their base insticts without concern for what's right or wrong. They'll lie to your face. They'll manipulate you. They'll lead you on for weeks, and then just cut out and leave you for the next best thing.
You know, when Re'quan took me to the Red Lobster the other day I was thinking that he really cared about me. I didn't even mind when he left after dinner to hang out with his friends. I figured that any man who would buy me thirty shrimps must be ready to get serious. I was riding high on love and cheddar biscuits.
Now look at me. Taking a damn personal day. It's only 9 in the morning, and I'm already into my first glass of Turning Leaf. I'll probably spend the whole day drinking, eating off this Ben & Jerry's tub, and crying into last month's issue of Bride Magazine. I can't wait for my kids to ask me what's wrong so I can tell them that it's all their fault.
It's probably for the best. I was starting to get suspicious of him anyway. Either he or his friend took some money from my purse last week while I was taking a shower. He had somehow convinced me to invite one of his boys from the club over for a 3-way. It wasn't as hot as I'd hoped it would be. At one point I think they forgot I was even there.
The problem with men is, you can't trust them. They follow their base insticts without concern for what's right or wrong. They'll lie to your face. They'll manipulate you. They'll lead you on for weeks, and then just cut out and leave you for the next best thing.
You know, when Re'quan took me to the Red Lobster the other day I was thinking that he really cared about me. I didn't even mind when he left after dinner to hang out with his friends. I figured that any man who would buy me thirty shrimps must be ready to get serious. I was riding high on love and cheddar biscuits.
Now look at me. Taking a damn personal day. It's only 9 in the morning, and I'm already into my first glass of Turning Leaf. I'll probably spend the whole day drinking, eating off this Ben & Jerry's tub, and crying into last month's issue of Bride Magazine. I can't wait for my kids to ask me what's wrong so I can tell them that it's all their fault.
Thursday, June 19
Ellwood Thompson's customers look unhealthy!
Sometimes I like to get my movies at the Blockbusters in Carytown, even though they almost never have what I came for. Everyone gets pissed while I hold up the line, having the clerk look through all the recently returned movies for the ones I want.
While I'm there I sometimes go to Ellwood Thompson's to pick up a beer or some dessert from the deli area. That place is a racket! People in front of me in line are running up 60 to 80 dollar receipts for a half bag of groceries (and "supplements"). A can of tuna for $3? I guess it's more dolphin safe, or whatever, and probably more healthy than the fishsticks I eat for lunch.
What I don't get is, how come most of the people who I see shopping in there look malnourished? I'm talking sunken eyes, stringy hair, pale or blotchy skin, and all that. I swear, it's like the number one grocery store for spooky old ghost ladies. I'm downright terrified to shop for groceries there. And not just because they don't offer a loaf of bread for under $4.99.
Meanwhile, my kids are the picture of health, and I do most of my shopping for them at the Wonderbread outlet and the dollar store. It's mostly prepackaged junk, and canned foods with made-up brand names you've never heard of. But I'll be damned if my kids and I don't have nice skin, healthy gums, and shiny, lustrous coats of hair on our heads!
So anyway, last night me and the kids watched Norbit. In case you don't already know, it's terrible. The mini Chips Ahoy that we ate were good, though. And we shared a can of Island Delight pineapple chunks.
While I'm there I sometimes go to Ellwood Thompson's to pick up a beer or some dessert from the deli area. That place is a racket! People in front of me in line are running up 60 to 80 dollar receipts for a half bag of groceries (and "supplements"). A can of tuna for $3? I guess it's more dolphin safe, or whatever, and probably more healthy than the fishsticks I eat for lunch.
What I don't get is, how come most of the people who I see shopping in there look malnourished? I'm talking sunken eyes, stringy hair, pale or blotchy skin, and all that. I swear, it's like the number one grocery store for spooky old ghost ladies. I'm downright terrified to shop for groceries there. And not just because they don't offer a loaf of bread for under $4.99.
Meanwhile, my kids are the picture of health, and I do most of my shopping for them at the Wonderbread outlet and the dollar store. It's mostly prepackaged junk, and canned foods with made-up brand names you've never heard of. But I'll be damned if my kids and I don't have nice skin, healthy gums, and shiny, lustrous coats of hair on our heads!
So anyway, last night me and the kids watched Norbit. In case you don't already know, it's terrible. The mini Chips Ahoy that we ate were good, though. And we shared a can of Island Delight pineapple chunks.
How Jocelyn got her groove back!
When my ex-husband Kevin left us he said it was because I was too jealous and I was always yelling at him. The only time I "yelled" at him was when he'd pick me up the wrong kind of maxi pads or hairspray from the store. Just those important things that he would remember about me, if he cared.
But the real reason he left is because I knew that bastard was cheating! I'd always catch him coming home from work 10 minutes later than necessary, and he'd be on the phone with his "friends" on his way home when I was calling to find out what was taking so long. He would always be talking to me about the bitches at work, or on the TV, and I'd be like, "are you sleeping with her?". He'd always get so indignant that I just knew he was lying!
I got a lawyer to take care of him. He even has to send the child support check through the lawyer, rather mailing it, or coming by to deliver it. He barely ever gets to see the kids, and the only time he sees me is when I'm driving by his crappy efficiency apartment (in his Mercury). Take that, asshole!
So anyway, I've been back on the market, and things have been going really good. Since the townhouse is paid for I can use most of the support checks on new clothes, hair and nails. So I've been looking good at the clubs, and I think I already found myself a new man!
His name is Re'quan! He's a nude dancer, and he is as fine as he can be! And he's crazy about me! He keeps his hair so nice for me, and he wears the most elegant clothes and shoes. Sometimes I have to wait until 3 in the morning for him to get home from the club, because he and the other dancers take so long showering and grooming themselves after the show.
I work during the day, and that man waits on my couch all day for me to get home! The only time he's out of my sight is when he hangs out with his male friends. In fact, he shows almost no interest in other women! I feel so secure with this man, I trust him with everything. I even take the van to work sometimes so he can use the Mercury during the day to run his errands!
Of course sometimes I think I'm getting ahead of myself. So I make sure he's out of the house before my mom drops the kids off. I'll introduce them to him when I think our relationship is truly ready. In the meantime, I'm gonna keep it on the downlow.
But the real reason he left is because I knew that bastard was cheating! I'd always catch him coming home from work 10 minutes later than necessary, and he'd be on the phone with his "friends" on his way home when I was calling to find out what was taking so long. He would always be talking to me about the bitches at work, or on the TV, and I'd be like, "are you sleeping with her?". He'd always get so indignant that I just knew he was lying!
I got a lawyer to take care of him. He even has to send the child support check through the lawyer, rather mailing it, or coming by to deliver it. He barely ever gets to see the kids, and the only time he sees me is when I'm driving by his crappy efficiency apartment (in his Mercury). Take that, asshole!
So anyway, I've been back on the market, and things have been going really good. Since the townhouse is paid for I can use most of the support checks on new clothes, hair and nails. So I've been looking good at the clubs, and I think I already found myself a new man!
His name is Re'quan! He's a nude dancer, and he is as fine as he can be! And he's crazy about me! He keeps his hair so nice for me, and he wears the most elegant clothes and shoes. Sometimes I have to wait until 3 in the morning for him to get home from the club, because he and the other dancers take so long showering and grooming themselves after the show.
I work during the day, and that man waits on my couch all day for me to get home! The only time he's out of my sight is when he hangs out with his male friends. In fact, he shows almost no interest in other women! I feel so secure with this man, I trust him with everything. I even take the van to work sometimes so he can use the Mercury during the day to run his errands!
Of course sometimes I think I'm getting ahead of myself. So I make sure he's out of the house before my mom drops the kids off. I'll introduce them to him when I think our relationship is truly ready. In the meantime, I'm gonna keep it on the downlow.
Wednesday, June 18
Ooh, Puffy, you nasty! With your fine self!
My man Puffy is at it again, turning us on with his nasty talk!
“Then I'll have a manicure and pedicure – and yes, I wax as well. Men owe it to women to make sure they are well-groomed.”
“I wax my privates. I also wear my fragrance, Unforgivable Black.”
That man knows how to keep a woman happy! These hairy fools out there could learn a thing or two from this classy and talented gentleman!
Of course it's up to us women to keep our men happy! And as you probably know, men like their women the way they like their yogurt: With the fruit on the bottom! That's why it's important for us to keep that ass fat! Head to McDonald's on that snack break! You and your man will be glad you did!
Just look how happy he is!
“Then I'll have a manicure and pedicure – and yes, I wax as well. Men owe it to women to make sure they are well-groomed.”
“I wax my privates. I also wear my fragrance, Unforgivable Black.”
That man knows how to keep a woman happy! These hairy fools out there could learn a thing or two from this classy and talented gentleman!
Of course it's up to us women to keep our men happy! And as you probably know, men like their women the way they like their yogurt: With the fruit on the bottom! That's why it's important for us to keep that ass fat! Head to McDonald's on that snack break! You and your man will be glad you did!
Just look how happy he is!
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