Re'quan had the nerve to break up with me last night! He said he was turned off because I suddenly have a visible STD that he didn't know about. I told him that it's not my fault! My goddamn kids were mad at me, so they hid my Valtrex! Those little creeps are gonna pay for that shit!
It's probably for the best. I was starting to get suspicious of him anyway. Either he or his friend took some money from my purse last week while I was taking a shower. He had somehow convinced me to invite one of his boys from the club over for a 3-way. It wasn't as hot as I'd hoped it would be. At one point I think they forgot I was even there.
The problem with men is, you can't trust them. They follow their base insticts without concern for what's right or wrong. They'll lie to your face. They'll manipulate you. They'll lead you on for weeks, and then just cut out and leave you for the next best thing.
You know, when Re'quan took me to the Red Lobster the other day I was thinking that he really cared about me. I didn't even mind when he left after dinner to hang out with his friends. I figured that any man who would buy me thirty shrimps must be ready to get serious. I was riding high on love and cheddar biscuits.
Now look at me. Taking a damn personal day. It's only 9 in the morning, and I'm already into my first glass of Turning Leaf. I'll probably spend the whole day drinking, eating off this Ben & Jerry's tub, and crying into last month's issue of Bride Magazine. I can't wait for my kids to ask me what's wrong so I can tell them that it's all their fault.