Tuesday, July 29

I'm a Mom!

I'm so sick of people questioning my opinions on things! I'm a mom, okay?! I think I know what's best! One day, if you selfish, childless hipsters have some kids of your own, you'll understand!

So whether you jerks like it or not, I'm going to tell it like it is for once! Everyone agrees that our society is screwed up. Well I'm not just going to stand around and bitch about it anymore! I'm gonna tell you all what we need to do about it!

First of all, that summer vacation thing needs to stop. These kids need better, more consistent education, and I need daycare. Let's kill two birds with one stone and extend public school to 10 hours per day, 7 days per week, all year long! Then maybe these "teachers" would have time to teach the kids some real skills, like how to balance a checkbook, practice safe sex, or mop a floor.

Another thing they need to cut down on is the amount of commercials on TV. There are so many commercials nowadays that it loses the kids' attention. Next thing you know, the kids are going outside, getting up to God knows what. It's not safe! The only kids protected from this scourge are the ones whose parents can afford a TIVO!

Now here's one we can all agree on: double stroller accessibility and right-of-way. We need to make sure that all public places have ramps, elevators, and special double stroller pedestrian lanes installed. Also, double stroller operators need to be granted right-of-way in all pedestrian situations.



This is just the beginning of the new legislation I propose. Walmart is already the lifeblood to most of the finer communities in this great land of ours. Well they need to take some responsibility and start 24-hour home delivery to us single moms! Whether it's baby wipes, an inflatable raft, or a 4-pack of Bartles & Jaymes, I need what I need when I need it! I can't be throwin' my kids in those child seats and driving down the road two damn miles every time I need something! I'm pregnant, for God's sake!

Lastly, I'm offering a solution for all that "adult" entertainment out there. Get rid of it! If it's a bad influence on kids, it needs to be gone from our society. We can live without all the violence and the sex, the language, and the scary stuff! We need a world that's safe for kids. So we must strive towards a G-rated Utopia we can all enjoy! If y'all would just vote like the churches tell you to then we wouldn't even have this problem!

22 comments:

Anonymous said...

I sure hope your kids have a greater wisdom than you.

Maybe if you stop haveing children most of the nonsense you want would not be needed.

Anonymous said...

Seems like if "adult entertainment" had any influence at all, it would just encourages people to have more sex and risk creating more children out of wedlock without loving parents.

...you know, kind of like you've done.

Robert said...

I really, really hope, this was a sarcastic post. Hard to believe someone who would believe this at face value.

Is this is real, we have lost and stupidity has won.

Matthew Argyle said...

You actually believe this? You think that kids should spend 70 hours a week in school? You think that playing outside is a bad thing? You think there should be a stroller lane on every sidewalk in America? You think that Walmart isn't destroying jobs and lowering standards?

Anonymous said...

why don't you close your legs and do something that contributes to society. America is the land of the free, if you don't like it move. Oh and, last I heard your not supposed to let you children watch "adult entertainment" it's for adults. Fucktard.

Rocky1138 said...

Is this real?

I find it hard to believe...

LoL..I hope.

Anonymous said...

I hope that was sarcasm. If not, god help your kids. I can also see why your husband left you, fool.

Chris said...

I am amazed you used the word utopia. You know it's not a breakfast cereal right?

Adam said...

please stop having kids. Save us all and stop reproducing.

Dan said...

You can't be serious right?? Extending school years and days?? Teachers don't get paid enough to do what they're already doing, now you want them to take your place and teach your kids all the things a parent (MOTHER) should?? How about you take some responsibility for your own family... I could go on, but if you're serious, it'd make more sense to simply suggest that you put a bullet in your head than try to open your eyes to how sad, pathetic, and just plain wrong your views on almost everything are....

Max said...

You guys are all idiots. Hilarious post, Jocelyn.

Anonymous said...

youre an idiot.

Jack Alexander said...

Gee Mom, I've stumbled upon your page and your image twice now in the past several months and I wonder who the father of your 'kids' are. A turkey baster perhaps? I certainly wouldn't want to wake up next to you in the morning.

In my 59 years, after a 24 year marriage I'm so happy that I didn't breed like an animal. I just can't imagine bring children into this world as it has been and then foisting them, bitching an all, onto the rest of the population.

Regards the accessibility issue: Leave the damn critters at home. Let some teenager see first hand what it's like to parent. I was a baby sitter in my teens and I learned enough.

Also ,there are those of us that don't like store crowded with screaming, stinking, grabbing rugrats getting in the way of the rest of us.

Almost forgot: When you go shopping in my neighborhood, do us a favor--wear a bag over your head. One of those cloth things they sell with holes cut for your eyes comes to mind...

Samurai_I_Amurai said...

Fuck you and your disgusting crotchfruit. If you didn't start overpopulating the Earth as soon as you did, you might have had the chance to get your shitty teeth fixed and have a half decent smile instead of a south-pointing grill.

Yzark said...

lol! Your blog adds hilarity to my mundane life.

Anonymous said...

hhahahahaha wallmart white trash bitch

Anonymous said...

"First of all, that summer vacation thing needs to stop. These kids need better, more consistent education, and I need daycare. Let's kill two birds with one stone and extend public school to 10 hours per day, 7 days per week, all year long! Then maybe these "teachers" would have time to teach the kids some real skills, like how to balance a checkbook, practice safe sex, or mop a floor."
LOOOOL
That was the stupidest idea I've ever heard. You really think that the only three months of freedom we have should be taken away from us? And, P.S., if teachers started working 10 hours a day EVERY single day of their lives, they would just be crankier than now and they would teach us even less. Not to mention that they would take their anger out on us more and more, giving us lower grades because they have to work every day for 10 hours. They do that already.
70 hours a week in school? You're not normal, and I mean it. Believe it or not, children want and deserve some free time too. And, plus, more children would skip class, and with 10 hours of school everyday, no child would be able to breathe- there would barely be time for studying and sports and there would be no time at all for ANY sort of fun or relaxation.
So, if you want teachers to start being worse and if you want children's heads to explode from all the studying and school, then yeah, sure, great ideas.
/clap

Anonymous said...

Your teeth represent your intelligence, keep on smilin' baby.

Anonymous said...

If being pregnant is so hard for you, then stop getting cocks caught in your hairy vagina, lady.

It's not that hard.

Anonymous said...

OMG. These peoples comments are so cracking me up!

wow people

get a clue.

You go on Jocelynn. You are a fucking CRACK UP

IamEveryDayPpl said...

WTF? Part of me says if you didnt reconize humor you wouldnt be here to begin with... the rest of me wants to pull out my Walmart baseball bat and detail all your cars... Who is Anonymous anyway? Really? I pray Jocelyn's children grow up, hunt you down, and pulls that stick out of your ass, and beats you with it... Very Truly; Donna (@IamEveryDayPpl)

Linda Lee said...

If the author enjoys writing sarcasm without any warning, I don't understand why she doesn't like reading possibly sarcastic comments.