Thursday, April 16

25 Diseases you might survive

1.Stiff neck from sleeping in some backwards ass position
2.Chicken pox the size of jumbo pepperoni slices
3.Throat so sore that it gives you a burning earache
4.Leg pain while you're trying to fall asleep
5.Nose that's running and clogged simultaneously
6.Black sock foot stench plague
7.Morning after stranger sex pee sting
8.Big fat rash from a soiled hotel room comforter
9.Dental work that includes a needle jab to your gumline
10.Refried bean gas from Planet F
11.World class foot cramp in the middle of the night
12.Scorching skin lesions from a jagged shaving razor
13.Mononucleosis sympathy pains
14.Complete taste bud removal from scalding hot pizza
15.Extreme disorientation after a massive turkey dinner
16.Five sneezes in a row, triggering a total brain reboot
17.Bee sting in between your toes while wearing sandals
18.Cat scratch fever from some scummy broad at a Bon Jovi show
19.Cardboard paper cut that removes your entire left hand
20.Body rejecting a sip of bad milk like it was a baboon heart
21.Lips so dry they crack and bleed at the corners of your mouth
22.Jaundice-colored hands from rolling pennies all day
23.Unintentional elbow jab to the titty
24.Warts that serve no purpose other than to make you self-conscious
25.Mysteriously sore balls from out of nowhere

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Is it me or are you the trashiest redneck whore on lakeside. The problem with your previous rant is that you would be part of the broke asses. considering that you are a dumbass.

Anonymous said...

i thunk i've had a few a them...

Dale Brumfield said...

I've had #20.

ZenBonobo said...

Anonymous said...

Is it me or are you the trashiest redneck whore on lakeside.
As if that was an issue to the rest of us. Duh!?

Anonymous said...

26. Chest and stomach pains caused by simultaneous explosive diarrhea and projectile vomiting after discovering the five second rule shouldn't even be uttered, let alone believed, within 100 feet of a porta-potty at a chili festival

Robert Bryant said...

Number 16. One time I sneezed so hard that I thought I had time warped. It was several minutes before I was "self-aware" of myself.