Monday, April 13

Western Henrico must secede!

As you know, I recently moved from the City of Richmond to the Lakeside neighborhood of Henrico County. Richmond was actually part of Henrico until 1871. Then Richmond became it's own thing, and Henrico became this oddly shaped wrap-around county we see today, which borders the city mostly on the Northwest and East sides.

The problem is that Western Henrico, where I live, is awesome. It's full of jobs and nice malls and pretty houses. Eastern Henrico, on the other hand, is full of rabid raccoons, dumpy apartment complexes, schwag weed, and broke ass no-account fools. That's why I propose that the Western part of Henrico County should secede from the Eastern part. Here's a map so you can see what I'm talking about:


[click for larger image]

As you can see, we'll need some new names. Western Henrico County is a premium area, and "Henrico County" is a premium name, so we should probably keep that name and let the Eastern folks come up with something new for themselves. The Eastern part of the county may actually have a better historical claim to the "Henrico" name, but we've got better lawyers, so it shouldn't be a problem.

Currently the only worthwhile things in Eastern Henrico are the Richmond International Airport and the Richmond International Raceway. Luckily our smaller, more efficient new Henrico County will have the money to build a new top of the line airport for the Richmond area. We probably won't build a new raceway, because it's loud and a pain in the ass, but maybe we can build a pro football arena instead.

I know a lot of you must be excited about this concept, and I want you to know that I'm interested in hearing your thoughts and feelings. I also need help coming up with a Glenn Beck style grassroots campaign, full of whiney rhetoric and tacky protests in the streets. So let's get things started by forwarding this post to your local friends and family. Together we'll help Henrico County come into it's own!

35 comments:

Anonymous said...

That's pure awesomeness - to create your own county - I can't think of a more worthy person to get it either.

Also a good idea might be to build a wall between you & the East Henrico losers - to keep those broke-ass beggars out of your nice & tidy neighborhood

Anonymous said...

WOW! Maybe some of the BETTER people you are talking about that live in the NICE part of henrico will see your fantastic snobbishness. Lakeside (where I also live) is the whitetrash capital of henrico! Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black?!? You and people like you SUCK!!!!!!!!!

Ben said...

They can name their county Brokeass. They're definitely weighing us down.

Gonzoid said...

Well, surely secession isn't enough. Once those that are stuck in East Henrico see what it's like in the west, y'all will have to build a 'freedom fence' across the border to keep 'em out. Then y'all got to have a militia to keep them from sneakin' around the ends too. Well, but ya better get busy on that airport idea before ya seal them borders... Then ya have to sweep the factories and stores because them damn easterners will be takin' jobs away from the Westerners... Are y'all ready for that?

Linemanville said...

Anyone been to downtown Lakeside lately? And she wants to "secede"? I can tell you as a lineman for a local company here in the area. I visit all types of neighborhoods everyday. People living in Lakeside should not be throwing stones at anybody anywhere.

Oh and any Woman who has a hyphenated last name is a "Cunt"!!!!! Hate to break it to you Mrs.Jocelyn Testes -Cunt - Harder. And another thing sometime around the civilwar people started to Visit Dentist on a regular basis!!! maybe you ought to try to Visit one before you loose anymore teeth. Give my reguards to your husband. He needs them because he has got to be one dumb redneck.

Thank you and fuck off.........

Anonymous said...

Wow, I am all for it! But I say let the East End keep the name Henrico and we can use the name "West End" most people that live in the west end identify themselves as living in the west end anyway as not to be confused with the drug dealers, hookers, thieves, Section Eighters, and all around loosers of Henrico's East End

Anonymous said...

I Love You!! when your husband leaves,I want to be the next.

Anonymous said...

I love you!!!

Jeffrey Seaview-Twitter. said...

Don't stop at that Jocelyn.

Those no-account fools probably don't put their agricultural land to the best use, and a lot of the land would be more suitable for recreation or settlement by West Henricans.

Even if they had a democratically elected leadership, it's probably to ignorant to discuss things moderately.

Just make sure they can't dig tunnels across the zone of separation.

Anonymous said...

First of all, to say that Lakeside is the nice part of Henrico is like saying Church Hill is the nice part of Richmond. While there are a number of decent people living there, a majority are, as one writer already stated, white trash. If there is any type of geographical separation, Lakeside should most definitely be included with the East to avvoid bringing our property values in the west down.

Oh yeah. Last time I sped though Lakeside I thought I saw a dentist or two. You might want to visit one soon.

WestEndGirl said...

As someone born and bred in the West End, I can tell you that I certainly do not want the trashy Lakeside corridor as part of county should we ever secede. Your white trash trailer parks fit in nicely with the "broke-ass beggars" of the East End. Stay with your own kind, you obviously would not fit in with those of us in the fashionable West End. Nor could you afford to.

HENREICHO said...

Hey! Let's build a wall around that eastern county so that when the economic downturn gets really bad, we can peek in and watch them suffer and starve! We'll feel so much better about ourselves because we're not poor! After all, poor people are stupid, trashy, genetically defective, and probably another species, at that. Right? If they're not fully human, we can require them to have special ID cards to come into OUR county and do the menial jobs that we're too good for, and if a few get run over or disappear, well, it's natural selection. They should keep their brute animal instincts sharp when dealing with superior beings! I mean, if they didn't choose to be poor, they wouldn't live in that county, and that would mean they really are human. It's so obvious! My Salvadoran maid has my Lexus warmed up, so I have to go to Starbucks now, and then to my pedicure, because I want to feel like a real, refined man.

Anonymous said...

C U Next Tuesday

Lesley RJ said...

There are beautiful historical parts of Eastern Henrico - in Varina especially - farmland that's 5 - 10 minutes from Shockoe Slip/Bottom/Downtown. Having lived in the Fan, Bellevue, Church Hill (the nice part) and now Varina, I can say it's a great place to live, especially if you have kids and enough money to send them to private school (four years of which equal the cost of the ubiquitous West End Hummer).

Also great for pets- you can have a BIG yard. And it's a great place for those who have horses they want to care for themselves and ride often.

There are several historic buildings, parks, Civil War battlefields, and it's located along Route 5 - the pathway to Williamsburg, dotted with plantations. Oh yeah, and the river, a boat landing/marina and the new Rockett's Landing.

What history exists in the West End? Willow Lawn? Go farther west and the oldest buildings were developed in the 1970s. Don't get me started on Lakeside - Roy's Big Burger is the cultural highlight. Western Henrico equals subdivisions filled with houses that look exactly alike. The same SUVs are parked in every driveway. God knows you need lots of cargo space and the ability to off-road in tough terrain to get to Short Pump Town Centre and Whole Foods.

So thanks Western Henrico - your housing developments and malls have robbed Henrico County/the surrounding area of character, history, green space, local food sources, I could go on...

ps - this post didn't hit a nerve or anything.

Lloyd Schieldge said...

Sounds good to me. The East End is responsible for our higher crime statistics and lower school attendance/grades. They should keep the name Henrico though, now that they have soiled it.

Anonymous said...

I'm out of my league at this troll party though I will throw in my two cents. If there's any place I want to build a fence around it's the West End. Keep those road-raging, SUV-crossover driving soccer Moms in a cage where they can't do any harm. Perhaps the City can make use of this enclosure and return the chain restaurants that have escaped their native habitat in Short Pump back where they belong. My only concern is how long will it take before packs of wild vinyl siding escape this enclosure and seek revenge, affixing themselves to historic brick and wood paneled houses across the City?

Anonymous said...

Um, if you can't spell the word "loser," it's a good bet you ARE one.

Anonymous said...

I thought this post was hilarious. Then I realized you live in Lakeside and it got about 10 times more hilarious. Even East-enders look down at Lakeside.

Anonymous said...

ur a racist

Brian said...

haha I love the visual aid

Anonymous said...

Broke Asses? LMAO Here someone is talking about how Lakeside is so great and there's jobs and money. Yet the person who is writing this blog looks just like one of those "broke asses". C'mon lady, before busting on others, where's the money that will give you teeth?

Anonymous said...

Interesting..I am one of the "broke asses" in the east end.I live on 25acres and made over $100,000.00 last year.How much did you make?Obviously not enough considering the dental care you obviously can't afford.And yes I agree, the west end should secede.I am definately tired of my considerable tax dollars being spent in the west end while my part of town is constantly being overlooked.As far as you living in Lakeside... lol never mind,that speaks for itself.One other thing before I end this,you say you have an open marriage?Maybe you should get some morals before you criticize other people..oh and maybe some balls for your so called"husband"because he obviously has none

Jamie said...

"Just had this really big back pimple break open and it's soaking through my white blouse" - This is the first time I checked out your twitter feed, but that is just f'n gross. I puked a little in my mouth while simultaneously squealing in disgust. And those asian girls!??? Hot.

harleyrydr said...

Well Ms. Harder I see you responded to my post with your usual stereotypical comments.Sorry to disappoint you but I make my money honestly not with a " meth lab " nor with a " sod farm".Truthfully I don't even know what a " sod farm "is.I am an electrical engineering consultant with a degree from Va. Tech.I chose to live in the east end because I enjoy neighbors who mind their own damn business unlike the neighbors I had in Wyndam.Yes shocking as it might be to you I once lived in Wyndam,the area you so covet and aspire to be a resident of.I soon realized, as you may one day that west enders are not my kind of people.I don't feel just because I make a good living I have to live in any particular area.You may discover, if your income ever makes it possible,that the people you love so much are not going to except you because after all money does not change your upbringing.If I may I would like to give you a geography lesson and make a point or 2.
#1)as anyone who lives in the area will tell you,as much as you wish you lived in the west end,you DO NOT.Lakeside is located in the area known to all as NORTHside.
#2)if you read the paper or watch the news most of the vandalism,drug busts and prostitution arrests in the area occur in southside and chamberlane ave area,as well as the west end.when cars are being vandalised it is the west end.Prostitutes?cham ave. and southside.
#3)If the west end is so great why are the bars in the east end filled with west end women?Could it be that they are looking to get banged by real live rugged blue collar guys instead of the blow dried latte drinking sissies they're married to?Since you have a self professed "open marriage"your husband apparently ain't getting the job done either.
In closing have a good day at work today,slaving on your mundane job,fetching lunch for your co-workers while I'm at my river home in Deltaville,cruising on my boat.I look foward to reading your reply when I get back home Sunday.Have a good weekend

harleyrydr said...

The only chip I have on my shoulder Ms.Harder is when people like you make comments on things they know nothing about.Oh,you're right you did say western henrico.My mistake for misquoting you.I'm curious why you feel you must denigrate east enders though.Lakeside as a whole is no better than the east end so I'm wondering,maybe a man you were hot for rejected you?Or do you have some deep seated jealousy of the ladies from the east end.Just wondering.I find it interesting the only comment you could make was about a very simple mistake I made.As far as being an idiot,I'll match you in an intelligence contest any time and anywhere you want and put up$1,000.00 to the winner.Care to put your money where your considerable mouth is?

harleyrydr said...

oh, by the way,I think my degree from Va. Tech kind of blows your idiot theory out the water,don't you?

harleyrydr said...

AND,I don't need to send this to any of my friends,they are all reading this and laughing at your pitiful attempts to match wits with me.Hard to have a battle of wits with me when you have no ammo isn't it?Anyway you have a nice weekend and we'll see each other Sunday,ok?I'm hitting the river now.

Lantern Bearer said...

harleyrydr said...
Well Ms. Harder I see you responded to my post with your usual stereotypical comments.Sorry to disappoint you but I make my money honestly not with a " meth lab " nor with a " sod farm".Worked at Circuit City.

Anonymous said...

harleyrydr said:
As far as being an idiot,I'll match you in an intelligence contest any time and anywhere you want and put up$1,000.00 to the winner.Care to put your money where your considerable mouth is?How about an intelligence contest right here right now? The contest is, is the other person serious? Joss knows whether Harley is serious. Does Harley know whether Joss is serious? Seriously.

harleyrydr said...

Sorry Lantern Bearer but I've never worked at Circuit City.You must be mistaking me for someone else.As for the anonymous poster I was quite serious..maybe you should work on your vocabulary so you don't have to use the word serious in every sentence.seriously

Anonymous said...

you live in lakeside and you are complaining about eastern henrico. lOl. You, doll, are pure white trash (take that from a east ender).

Ben said...

harleyrydr is the best. I want to match wits with him! It would be so fun. I wonder if he took a course in wits at Virginia Tech, or if it just comes naturally.

harleyrydr said...

Thank you for your kind words Ben,I must admit though I have read other blogs by Ms.Harder and I must say my opinion of her has changed somewhat.Many of her blogs are very very funny.I may have to buy her a beer 1 day

Margaret said...

How does trailer park trash like yourself afford to live in Henrico?

Anonymous said...

You are delightfully ignorant. The residents of East Henrico may not have a bunch of superfluous shopping centers, but at least we have work-ethic. The reason we do not expand is because we have respect for our rich historical area and work hard to maintain said history. I bet your home in the horrendously overdeveloped Lakeside does not have so much as an acre of land to call it's own. Also, a woman who leeches off of men has not the slightest right to call anyone "broke-ass no-account fools." For the betterment of society as a whole, I strongly suggest you get your head out of your ass and learn your place.