Monday, September 21

Let me ride!

Phil has been making good money by contracting work out on some large-scale plumbing jobs. I guess that's why he thought it would be okay to trade in his 1986 Monte Carlo towards the purchase of a gently used Dodge Caliber (without even telling me!). The Caliber only has 12,000 miles on it, which made it way cheaper than a new one. This car is hot!



The problem is that maybe this car is a little too hot! For one thing, it makes my car look like shit. It's totally unfair that he should have a better car than mine. It also makes Phil a little too proud. And you know how those home wrecking bitches will try to get with him just because they like his car. It's not that I don't trust Phil. I just don't trust them bitches!

So last Tuesday I asked Phil if I could drive his Caliber to work. I could tell he didn't want me to, but he let me do it anyway. I guess he didn't get the hint that he was never going to drive this car again unless I'm riding in the passenger seat. If he's going to be driving to job sites all day then he can do it in my ex-husband's old piece of shit Mercury Cougar. It's already beat up, and it gets better gas mileage!

Phil realized by Thursday that I've taken his car as my own. He's been pouting like a child all weekend. I tried to tell him that he should go buy himself another car if he hates the Cougar so much, but I know he can't afford another car payment. Not on top of the payments for this house he bought me, and I'm sure he's still making payments on that ring.

Yes, I could probably afford to buy a new car for myself, but I told Phil before we got married that what's mine is MINE! One of the things I learned from my first marriage is that divorces can happen to anyone. No matter what happens, I will always be in a position to take proper care of me and my kids. Having this trustworthy new vehicle is just one more way that I can prepare for the worst.

_

28 comments:

Anonymous said...

Makes perfect sense to me. I can't imagine any rational person having an argument with that logic. If he gets whiny, ditch him - and keep the Caliber.

lydia eve said...

Wait, Mom? Is that you writing this blog???

The Lone Wolf said...

The most important thing is to look out for #1 (you) and your kids (#s 2-4). If Phil keeps giving you attitude remind him how empty and hollow his life was before you met!

Anonymous said...

wow, what a DB. Maybe you should ask your husband for a new set of teeth while you're at it.

Anonymous said...

um... does it occur to you that your selfish attitude makes you a bitter and nasty person? What gives you the right to treat another human being that way? Are you being a bitch to your current husband in advance of him becoming your ex-husband when he finally gets tired of you taking out your first-marriage-resentment out on him? Lady, you need to do some real long selfless soul searching and ask your self what do you do for him that is worth putting up with your crazy head games. I feel sorry for him and for you. You are going to end up a lonely, bitter woman if you don't get over it and stop thinking you deserve ANYTHING YOUR selfish self didn't work hard for. This is so very very sad....

CochinitaPibil said...

Anonymous is right...this is so very, very sad. For Phil, that is.

It's incredible that a man would be dumb enough to think that if he buys a new car, that he has the right to drive it.

He has a dirty job, and there's no need going and messing up the seats with all that grime. I know Jaquelyn will keep the vehicle in better shape in the long run, hence retaining the KBB value, and saving money in the future if they ever sell or trade it in.

You should be taking life advice from Jackie & how to retain marital bliss & car value, not criticizing her because she doesn't fit *your* ideals of hard work & valor.

Anonymous said...

Let me tell you..Phil doesn't need that car for me to get with him. I've been doing that since before! So keep on thinking it's the car..I drive a corvette that he has a spare key to!

Anonymous said...

I love fucking men like your husband who have been walked over and downtrodden for years. They have so much pent up frustration! Hope I can meet Phil soon. Judging from your picture and personality, I don't think his decision would be hard. Kisses.

Anonymous said...

You're treating your man like dirt out of your own fears and resentment. Your afraid that he will cheat on you because a bling car will draw the hounds and because you have previously been messed with.

Give him some credit, give him the car. Stop repressing him or you will end up being the driving force behind the events you fear will happen.

Anonymous said...

No way would I marry a woman like you. Unbelievable, buy your own damn car. Your husband should grow some balls and divorce your ass before you take anything else!

Anonymous said...

All I have to say is:

:-(

Anonymous said...

I'm curious: when you dress up in black patent leather, 6-inch stiletto heels, and sporting a cat-o'-nine tails, do you call yourself Mistress Delilah, or some such? Do you get much business?

Anonymous said...

Damn, I wonder why I can't find you on E-Harmony?

Anonymous said...

I hope Phil smartens up and leaves soon with the car. I feel sorry for your kids. They should have a mother that cherishes them instead of considering them a pain in the ass. Get some life insurance and die.

Anonymous said...

So, what's the MPG like on the Caliber?

Anonymous said...

I don't remember how I happened to come across this blog a week ago, but I'm glad I did...this is some of the funniest sh1t I've ever read

Anonymous said...

I can't decide which is funnier, the comments or your blog. Keep up the laughs Jocelyn.

Anonymous said...

I uploaded your pic to AmIHotOrNot.com and you're hovering around a 2 out of 10....although don't feel bad, on AmIWhiteTrashOrNot.com you're a 10!

Anonymous said...

WOW!!! WHAT A B---!! You are already preparing for a divorce! Should be too! I would let you drive the car out of town, then come pick it up and leave your a$$ on the road!!!
F-That!!!!!

Charlotte said...

You continue to inspire me.

Anonymous said...

You should have had Phil buy you that black Z-28 that was behind the Caliber. That car would look great sitting on blocks in front of your house in a few years!

Anonymous said...

Wait - that's a hot car to you? Bwah ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaaa

Anonymous said...

This is great. I read 1 blog of yours today and was like "wtf?". Needless to say, I thought you might have some issues you needed to work on. Then I kept reading.. One post after another. They're great. You're great.
Thanks for sharing your warped and twisted mind.


Peace.

Anonymous said...

People sure get jealous when you get yourself a new car, don't they?

Not Anonymous, intelligent said...

This was mean. People should not expect divorce.... well actually, in your case i will make an exception. (Leave her Phil) Well your lucky you got Phil. Its true what they say, "Every Dog has its day"

Anonymous said...

your such a gold digger !! and also very selfish...get over yourself already. its not like you are even halfway attractive

Anonymous said...

Jocelyn I really hope your reading these comments. i feel sorry for you, your kids and especially Phil

Anonymous said...

I feel sorry for your kids. Really.