Friday, August 29

Fun family dining at Hooters!

Phil took me and the kids to Hooters last night for a special dinner! We love the food there, and the kids always have so much fun. My girls talk about how they want to be Hooters waitresses when they grow up, and my son talks about how he likes tits. It's also fun for me because of the cute way Phil blushes when the Hooters waitresses flirt with him to get a bigger tip. And he always shows me a good time in bed after a Hooters visit!

The waitresses there always seem to be having a real blast! Sometimes they break out the hula hoops, or sing happy birthday for their unkempt male customers. The only other place I've seen people take such pride and joy in there work was that weird taqueria we found in Tijuana where the bar girls would give birth to a gallon of green gelatin on an overhead plexiglass stage for tips and applause.

The one problem with Hooters is that they don't hire any man candy! They staff the "open" kitchen area with men, but they must be trying to curb the amount of romance among their employees, because these guys are the ugliest dudes you'll ever see. The male managers also seem to be hand selected for their undeniable repulsiveness.

Anyhoo, the kids shared a big plate of cheese fries for dinner. I didn't want them to fill up too much because I had an extra long Slim Jim out in the van set aside for dessert. Phil had the snow crab legs, which taste like a mouthful of dirty ocean water. I ordered the wings, but they didn't seem to be hot enough. I sent them back three times, until they were totally cold and there was practically more sauce than wings. They tasted right by then, so I went ahead and made a saucy pig of myself!

The beers at Hooters are the best part. They use frosty glasses, and always have cold Miller Lite on draft! And those professional waitresses they got there are more than happy to keep 'em comin'! A couple 25 oz. "Big Daddy" mugs are all I need to wash down a plate of their spicy wings! I'll admit that once it's all in my stomach I feel pretty bloated, but by then I'm too tipsy to care!

All fine meals must come to an end, so out to the parking lot we went. I guess the beer got to my head worse than I thought, because I turned too tight out of the parking space and caught the front bumper and quarterpanel of a brand new GMC Yukon! They still had the dealer tags and everything! Well you know I can't have no more DUI tickets on my record, so we just got the hell out of there! I guess I won't be driving the van to that Hooters location for a while!


Anonymous said...

People take their kids to hooters? I must be living in a parallel universe that's for sure!

Lantern Bearer said...

Girrrrrl. If I can get my ol'truck runni' could you use a little company. Can yore kids mow yards?

Anonymous said...

My spouse and I still giggle about a co-worker (professional federal ladder) referring to Hooters as a "family restaurant"

Elizabeth said...

LOL every single time I've been to Hooter's (admittedly, only about a half dozen times in my life) I've seen kids there. Mom and Dad and the kids, staring at boobs. Quality family time. =)

msc said...

Jocelyn - whoever you are - I LOVE the way you write! This entry is a blast!

Obbop said...

I got ousted from that Tijuana bar back in 1975.

Told my behavior was disgusting and detracted from the live entertainment.

I got over it.

Especially once I was overseas and discovered the New Jollo bar in Olongapo, Philippines.

I was welcomed with open arms there.

Anonymous said...

If I had a gift certificate to Hooters I'd throw it away.

Anonymous said...

I don't think I'd intentionally want to raise children to be "Tacky, yet Unrefined" [In quotes is one of the Hooters more honest mottos." There are plenty of people like that in the world already. It's fine if adults want to go slumming like that, but children...are you serious?