Wednesday, October 8

Muffin goes to the dog park!

I planned a special day with Muffin yesterday. I figured he should get some exercise, because he hasn't been out of the laundry room since we took him to the river. Dogs act up if they don't get what they need, and the last thing I want is more trouble from him. I'm still a little afraid of him!



I called in sick to work and slept in a little. Then I got up and loaded Muffin into the backseat of the car. He was acting weird, and he smelled like a nest of dead possums. But there's no sense in washing him now when he's just going to get dirty again at the dog park. I pulled into the Waffle House, cracked a window for Muffin to bark through, and went inside for some quality grub.

The food was good, but the waitress was worthless. She only filled my coffee three times, and as with so many places, forgot about me when it was time to bring the check. I sat there for twenty minutes waiting, but I didn't care too much because I had my smokes. That's one thing you non-smokers don't realize. You're all impatient, and therefor annoying as hell to restaurant waitstaff.

I was putting my last cigarette out on my dirty plate when the waitress finally came back. She gave me this shitty look, pointed at my plate, and said, "That's nasty, and rude!". I stood up and loudly replied, "You know what's rude? Making me wait 20 minutes for a damn ash tray!". Needless to say, that bitch didn't get a tip. She's lucky she didn't get a slap!

I got back out to the car and drove us to the Dogwood Dell dog park. I want my dog to socialize more with other dogs so he'll get used to it. But Muffin was having none of it! He was avoiding the other dogs and sniffing around the people and the chairs. I saw him lift his leg and piss onto somebody's neatly folded fleece jacket. Nobody else saw it, so I didn't say anything.

He started running around the perimeter of the field, then he slowed down and started walking over to the most beautiful little purebred Beagle. The Beagle's owner and I were standing on the other side of the field, laughing about how cute they were being. The laughter stopped when Muffin mounted the Beagle and proceeded to give her the humping of her life! The owner wanted me do something, but there's no way I'm interrupting Muffin at a time like this!

We concluded that neither dog was fixed, which really pissed this woman off. I think I was pretty graceful about it, considering the way she was yelling in my face. Meanwhile, Muffin pranced back over to us and laid down like he was ready for a nap. The lady wanted my information in case any puppies came of this unholy union. Instead I have gave her a fake name, and the number to the Dollar General on Hull Street Road.

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

The puppies would be adorable!!!

Anonymous said...

hahahaha....

admit it already, you sex your dog.

Anonymous said...

You should have given that waitress a slap AS her tip! You go girl!

Anonymous said...

Muffin is a f*cking stud!

Anonymous said...

you're exactly the kind of shitbag hillbilly that makes Richmond the dump it is.

Anonymous said...

You are f-ing foul. It's sad if the stuff you write in here is true. Unbelievable.

Scott said...

wow, you're a real bitch... and I like it.

Anonymous said...

Wow... someone on Fark linked to this post in a comment.

You managed to shit all over three different people in one day and then write a blog post about how proud you are of it. You shouldn't be breathing other people's oxygen.

You really need to rethink your behavior and realize how taking responsibility for yourself would make your experiences with other people.

Imagine how much easier your day has been if you had just asked someone for an ash tray and kept your own dog from peeing on other people's stuff and humping other people's dogs. Or you could be a responsible person and quit smoking or get your dog fixed, but I realize that might be too difficult.

Nathaniel said...

"You really need to rethink your behavior and realize how taking responsibility for yourself would make your experiences with other people."

Whaaa?

At least Jocelyn speaks english

Anonymous said...

Dear Nathaniel,

Perhaps properly-spoken English isn't your forte.

That should help you fit in with the rest of these redneck refuse that laud this particular chunk of worthlessness and her killer mutt.

mr9redx said...

lol...this is hilarious. My love to Jocelyn. Are you sure you're not some secret genius creative writer, because Richmond life can't be this funny.

Anonymous said...

hahahaha, this post is genius.

Anonymous said...

When those puppies are born they are going to be taken to the pound and then killed. YOU WILL HAVE BLOOD ON YOUR HANDS!

Sazji said...

I don't see what all the ruckus is about, the lady didn't have her dog fixed either and took it to a doggy park? You can't separate two dogs once they've started doing the deed anyway, you hurt both of them. It takes two to tango and I don't think the little slut of a beagle complained about the nice piece of Rottweiler meat she got that day! I long for the old days when people said what was on their minds instead of living according to the rules of "conflict management" classes. Sorry but in my book, "Fuck you ya bitch" is a lot more effective communication than "I feel that you have not respected my boundaries."

Anonymous said...

And why is your dog intact?????? Never Ceases to Amaze me, how folks think a dog park is great for socializing a dog! Also good for picking up disease,and injuries from unruly digs. DANGEROUS! . I can’t believe this post- oh I forgot- the world if full of uneducated humans.