My three year old daughter, little Jailen, has been throwing tantrums all week over this Madagascar sequel that they've been advertising the hell out of. So I loaded her and 8 year old Brandon into the van on Saturday afternoon so we could take in a matinee. I packed the rest of their leftover Halloween candy and a gallon jug of cider into my biggest purse.
The kids were thirsty so I let them have some cider on the drive over. The parking lot was a goddamn zoo, as always, but we managed to find a spot near the back. Of course the ticket line was stretched all the way down the edge of the building! By the time we got up to where we could see the board it was obvious that the showing of Madagascar we wanted was sold out, and the next one wasn't for 45 minutes. I decided to take them to see Role Models instead and hope that Jailen didn't notice.
Role Models is R rated, which is fine. But the previews were rated R as well, and there was this one horror movie preview that scared the hell out of all of us. It had a crab walking dead guy and everything. Jailen started screaming and covering up her face with her jacket. Brandon just covered his eyes and sat there petrified. Once it ended they calmed down for me and manged to recover for the most part.
When the feature started I broke out the snacks. I could barely hear the screen over the sound of our candy wrappers because all our treats were "fun size". The kids fought over certain treats, and we passed the cider jug back and forth and everything was pretty swell. We also had a good laugh because Jailen kept tearing her M&M bags open way too hard, sending candies through the air and onto the floor.
For a while things were quiet and the kids didn't seem to notice that we weren't watching Madagascar. But then I learned something I didn't know. Jailen must be allergic to cider or apples, because she really started stinking up the place! I wasn't sure if she'd filled her diaper or what. She also seemed to have slipped into some kind of sugar coma, so I decided to ignore her, because at least she was behaving.
The movie was funny enough, but so damn nasty, with lots of swearing and sex jokes. Brandon kept asking me what they were talking about, and I did my best to explain. It was kind of annoying because I was also trying to hold a text conversation with Phil on my Blackberry. The screen on that thing is so damn bright that every time I looked back up at the movie screen I was seeing spots.
Some guy behind us got annoyed at our chatter, so he leaned forward and asked if we would please shut up and turn off our phone. I turned off the phone as he was talking, and that's when the usher came in. Then the usher left, and soon returned with the manager. He pointed at the guy who had been talking to us. The manager took they guy out to the end of the aisle and told him to be quiet or be removed.
By the time the manager walked out it was almost time for Madagascar to start in the next theater over, so I woke Jailen up and quietly led her and Brandon up the aisle and out to the bathroom. I changed her diaper, then brought them into the Madagascar theater and put them in some seats. Then I went back out, asked for the manager, and told him that the man sitting behind us in Role Models was still talking and acting drunk and needed to be removed. Then I went back to sit with the kids. I've gotta say, Madagascar was really funny, and a lot of fun!