The other day I made a point to warn all of you about the dangers of handing out non-candy items as treats on Halloween. But what kinds of tricks would be appropriate as retaliation for such heinous behaviour? Obviously, you'll want to tailor your tricks to the individual victim, with a focus on traumatizing them for life. That's the only way they'll ever learn!
Here are a few fun ideas to get you started:
1.Catch a foodborne illness, use their jack-o-lantern as a toilet
2.Throw that crappy pumpkin through their bay window
3.Fire a wad of 50 bottle rockets into their shed or garage
4.Replace their brake fluid with Crystal Light
5.Trap their pet in a van and give it an obvious sex change
6.Paint their doorway with curdled pig's blood
7.Drop buckets of baking soda and vinegar down the chimney
8.Leave a flaming bag of entrails on the doorstep, ring bell
9.Call their phone, when they answer whisper, "I'm in the house!"
10.Sacrifice an inflatable love goat on their porch
11.Knock up their daughter, then refuse to pay child support
12.Burn a massive scarecrow on their front lawn
13.Rig up a non-fatal candy corn cluster bomb
14.Use a hot glue gun to seal all their windows and doors shut
15.Break into the basement and cause an odorless gas leak
16.Startle them by dressing up as their dead grandma
17.Force them to swallow the refuse from your ear candling
18.Put a razor blade in an apple and accuse them to the police
19.Break in and throw a black cat on them while they're taking a dump
20.Mummify them in a giant ball of 3-ply toilet paper
21.Drug a rabid raccoon and leave it in their glove compartment
22.Sneak a few senior citizens inside the house to stink up the place
23.Stuff their air conditioner full of carrot juice & bacon bits
24.Mess up their vinyl siding by covering it in bloody butt prints
25.Shoot a dart laced with Ben Gay right into their necks
Disclaimer:
This list is for entertainment purposes only.
Do not drug a rabid raccoon without your doctor's permission.
5 comments:
This is grate! I'm todaly usin these next week! Thanks Jocylen, this is my new favorit website!
You should be ashamed of yourself... You are creating a one-woman sub-prime meltdown of American men by tweaking their privates with your wild stories of your shameless life. And... Having gotten them good and tweaked; you jostle their testes even harder! I'm beginning to think it's all a big lie... I'll bet you've never done many, or even most of those things like you say. I'm starting to lose faith in the veracity of the Internet... And it's mostly your fault!
Hey there - I posted a comment elsewhere in your blog but can't find it, and I'm getting anxious: you are the hottest thing I ever read.
In case you didn't receive my earlier comment, here's a quick synopsis: I'm about your age, TOTALLY hot for you, and think we're perfect for each other. Between your monthly stipend from your ex and my disability, we could really get somewhere. I think we should meet.
I can go almost anywhere, but have to be careful, because the insurance guys are trying to videotape me and catch my using my messed-up finger so they can nail me for fraud.
As I mentioned earlier, we could meet up in Myrtle Beach for 2-3 days, if you can get a sitter for the kids. Just a quiet, slow start to what could be a remarkable relationship.
Your thoughts?
Again, I remain,
Schuyler
That is just so mean. I am a kid and I will never use those tricks!!
Damn you. I just peed my pants!
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