Tuesday, September 23

The nastiest hotel in Richmond!

I was drinking down at Stool Pidgeons last night and hooked up with a dude named Rodney. We was hongry, so we headed next door to Buffalo Wild Wings and picked up a massive pack of wings to go. Then I drove us to a hotel over by the Richfood Dairy. Muffin, my rottie, was with us too, because I like to have him when I go downtown so he can protect the car.

We opened the door to our room and were immediately hit in the face with the smell of stale urine and thrice fried beans. I lit up a Black & Mild to mask the odor. There were two queen-sized beds, so we hopped into one of them and ate our wings. Since we still had a clean bed to go to, we just threw the saucy bones under the covers as we ate, and used the top of the bed sheet as a napkin.

Muffin was growling and digging at something under the other bed, which turned out to be a wad of nasty discarded hair extensions. I grabbed it from his mouth, opened the door of the room, and threw it off into the parking lot. That's when I noticed that the chain lock was broken on the door. I wasn't happy about having to rely on just the one cheap little doorknob lock in this sketchy-ass hotel!

Rodney is an electrician, and he handily rewired the wall near the TV so we could watch some porno and have it charged to the neighboring room. I love a man whose good with his hands! He also made sure that the clean bed was set up properly for us. The pillows looked like they had been shoved together and humped by a horse, so he swapped them out for the ones on the chicken wing bed.

We started kissing, and moved onto the bed for some messy, rough sex! It's nice to be able to really go crazy because it's not your bed! Rodney's toolbox also contained a few goodies. We broke out a jar of marmalade and everything! When we were done I wiped my rear end with the comforter and chucked it under a chair.

Sleep was hard to come by because there were people talking outside our door all night long. It sounded like someone leaned on our door at one point, and later someone even had the balls to try our doorknob! Luckily the lock held, and Muffin barked like a maniac to scare them away. We were able to safely huddle together in the stench and misery of that room until dawn.

We decided to get out of there early. We both have jobs to get to anyway. Rather than turn the key back in I decided to sublet the room to some meth addicts who we found creeping around the parking lot. Now I'm itching like crazy, and my back hurts. I'm pretty sure that crappy mattress was one giant scabies nest.

21 comments:

Ontarian Gal said...

I can't believe there is some dumbass who'd bang a drunk, smoking, pregnant, ugly piece of trash like you. Yeah, right, they think with their nuts when they drink... Instead of stealing for drugs, how about fixing your tooth?

Your husband proved he was less a loser than you by leaving.

Ontarian Gal said...

I'll give you two positives. One you know how to write properly, so that shows some education. Two, you'd be really beautiful if you fixed that tooth. See? I can be sweet. But the previous post stands.

John Roth said...

Hah hah you wiped your ass with the comforter? What kind of nasty, feral shit did you to do and why do I have an erection? Gross.

Anonymous said...

LOVE IT

Darkness U.S.A said...

still getting busy at this late stage in your pregnancy, can't be too many positions you can do

Anonymous said...

What the fuck is this?

Anonymous said...

I still love you.

Anonymous said...

Suuuuuweeeeeeeeet!! Was that sugar free marmalade to stop your rear from getting larger? Love IT!! Brig on the RAMA!

Anonymous said...

Ha Ha Ha, that's too funny. Using marmalade as Anal Lube. I guess you enjoy ass to mouth.

Black Arthur said...

A++

Would read again.

Hope to bump into you sometime at an AA meeting.

Anonymous said...

Before I leave any motel room when I travel I like to leave my semen on the sheets

Bitchtits McGee said...

"Since we still had a clean bed to go to, we just threw the saucy bones under the covers as we ate, and used the top of the bed sheet as a napkin."

LOLOLOL @ saucy bones!! I pissed myself laughing at this.

Anonymous said...

LMAO! Funniest shit I've read in a long while. You rock!

Anonymous said...

Nice. I wish I would've been on this escapade!!! Big fun! I say! I would've used the curtains as a blanket and discard the saucy bones soiled one.

Anonymous said...

You're a disgusting fuck! Hillbilly turd...

doctressjulia said...

You are AWESOME. I wish I could come and visit VA and drink with you.

Anonymous said...

This reminds me of this time I hooked up with this dude who was 16 years older for me for some sex at some dude's party house. I had a tampon in and he pulled it out the threw it over his shoulder and we couldn't find it the next day so I hope the guy who owned the place found it.

Anonymous said...

You disgusting piece of shit.
You left chicken bones under the covers and wiped your hands all over the sheets? What the fuck is wrong with you? Self righteous entitled little cunt. You're fucking disgusting. You should do us and your worthless flesh-spawn a favor and kill yourself. Piece of human garbage.

Anonymous said...

This has got to be one of the most revolting things I have ever read. You didn't even frame all the repulsive shit you did into a cohesive narrative, you just listed it down like a all-stars list of why I never want to visit America.

For that, you not only fail at life. You fail at writing about it.

Anonymous said...

Why didn't you film this? LOL

Anonymous said...

my God Woman... just... Jesus...