Thursday, September 11

You can find me in the club!

So last night I dumped the kids off at Mom's place and headed out for a night on the town. I'm a dedicated mother, but that doesn't mean that I don't like to go out and get my drank on! I've been back to my usual club since my ex-husband Kevin stopped going there. I started enough nasty rumors about him there that he can't get no play!

This place plays the best music in town. After a couple of drinks you can't stop me from shakin' my crazy ass all over that dance floor. I get nasty out there too! If the mood is right you might even catch me clappin' my 'donk all up on some sexy strangers! Things were going pretty good for me, on the dance floor and off. I was getting a good amount of attention, getting offers for drinks, followed by offers for a ride home! But you know I wasn't ready to go yet! I was havin' fun drinking, and the night was still young!

I ran out of smokes, so I ordered a fresh pack from the bartender, along with another shot of liquor. That bastard came back with my cigarettes , but said I was cut off from liquor. He even claimed that I was slurring and swearing a lot, but I disagreed. I grabbed the pack with one hand, swept a few drinks off of the bar with the back of my other hand, and yelled "fuck you then!". One of the drinks was a White Russian, and it got all over this one girl's nice black dress. I apologized briefly, but I'm sorry, she was just an unfortunate victim of this rude bartender!

I made my way to the bathroom, and that's when I realized how high I was. I almost fell forward off the toilet, which caused me to piss all over the seat. When I came out the club's bouncer was standing there ready to escort me out the door. I was feeling dizzy, so I didn't really mind too much. When I started heading to my car this handsome fellow started chatting me up. He complimented my good looks and offered to drive me home. How could I say no?

I pretty much blacked out the rest of the night, so I can't tell you much more about what happened. I woke up in my own bed, and he was gone. I'm fairly certain that we made love. The side of the bed he had been on was soiled with filth, so he must have been unwashed to the point that I suspect he may have been homeless. Another sign that he was a no account fool is that he didn't leave me any money on the dresser. And I'm pretty sure he stole our DVD player

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

"I started enough nasty rumors about him there that he can't get no play!"

Well. You sure are a fucking bitch. And an ugly one at that.

Anonymous said...

I agree. You're fucking scum. Bringing a seemingly homeless stranger into your home. Thank God your kids were at their grandmother's where they belong.

Anonymous said...

this has to be a joke. if not, you seriously should jump off a bridge. you're foul!

Anonymous said...

From being someone who works in the club biz, I will say that your the type of person we HATE to see when you come in our club. The bartender has EVERY right to cut you or anyone off whenever he sees fit, and your reaction to him cutting you off just proves that he was right to do so. So next time you deside you want to go clubbin,get a few bottles of MD20/20, go down to your local homeless shelter, pick up one of the guys there, and skip the rest of the night so that the rest of us can go out an enjoy our night instead of having to put up with bitches like you.

"I started enough nasty rumors about him there that he can't get no play!"

"Well. You sure are a fucking bitch. And an ugly one at that."


and that also shows just how immature you are and shows the rest of us exactly why he left you skank ass

Anonymous said...

I hope you caught some new kind of STD That kills you slowly. You desrve it after making me read that trash. BTW you're ex hubbie is posting links to this blog all over the internet whenever someone mentions dirty whore or ugly slut that deserves to die... he is totally right. burn in hell bitch!

Anonymous said...

are you for fucking real?! you're the strongest argument for abortion i've ever seen! your mom shoulda done the world a favour and flushed your fugly ass down the toilet! you make me sick, and i'm not the only 1 judging from the other comments!

Anonymous said...

you are disgusting in so many ways that the english language does not have enough words to describe. go to hell, i feel so bad for your baby and for your children, and even for myself for reading any of your shit

Anonymous said...

You're five months pregnant doing this shit ? ... un-fuckin-real ...

Mookie said...

O.K. You are f***ing hilarious! The fact that "anonymous"(that name sure is common) takes this seriously is just evidence of the decline of our civilization. Keep it up, this is too good! I ain't hatin' on you gurl!

tony said...

Great work!

Anonymous said...

I'm not homeless, I just don't like to wash and I have oily skin and don't you ever accuse me of being a thief again and your garbage DVD player doesn't work anyway.

Scott said...

I was waiting for the part where you puked all over your shoes but it never came. Good story anyway!

Anonymous said...

Heheheheeee...

This is class.
Keep up the good work.

Anonymous said...

Please, do us a favor and kill yourself

Leroy said...

WTF is wrong with all you people? Give the girl a break..you think it's easy being a single mom??

Jocelyn; Fuckin btender was a dickhead for cutting you off. Yes you were drunk but you were standing up and ordering a drink/smokes so you weren't THAT drunk. It's not like you were pukin or anything. Props to you for doing your part to make a homeless guys life a little less worthless. It's a bummer about the DVD player but he probably really needed the money...or maybe that shit-eatin ex snuck in and stole it while you were at the club. That's why you should always leave one kid at home when you go out drinking....that's what my ex does.

btw..anonymous...ya'll are haters

Anonymous said...

what club? i wanna party!

Anonymous said...

I've seen better looking things as I get up, and turn to flush....

Cockatoo said...

So you got blackout drunk, made a scene, pissed on yourself, and banged (sorry, made love to) a homeless dude you hadn't known for 5 minutes? Holy fucking shit.

Anonymous said...

This is why I hate Richmond.