Monday, September 15

Richmond on the rocks!

Phil and I decided to take a romantic visit to Belle Isle this weekend. It's nice to get outside sometimes and enjoy the fresh air. I would have brought the kids, but they always run wild at outdoor attractions. We did bring our rottie (who I recently named "Muffin"), because the poor thing had been cooped up in the laundry room ever since he ate our neighbor's kitten. People keep telling me to put him to sleep, so I'm hiding him until I figure out what I want to do.

We started out by just sitting off from the crowd, on the rocks next to the beautiful James river. We kept ourselves busy by knocking back a 12-pack of Yuengling. I don't normally drink that brand, but damn, them boys is tasty! I like to throw the empty cans in the water and watch as they float downstream like little boats. We washed them down with some of those awesome Hostess apple pies. The wrappers for those don't float as well unless you crinkle them up into a ball.

Suddenly I realized that Muffin had wandered off. He had himself a little swim, and he was coming out of the water when I found him, smiling like a fool. He wandered over to a couple of guys and started shaking water all over them. That water had activated his crazy stink, and now that was all over these poor fellas. I was about to apologize when they started whining about it. Y'all know I can't stand sissies!

I rushed over and grabbed Muffin's collar to take control, but the devil in me took over! I started jerking the collar around menacingly while yelling "sick 'em!" over and over. That expression always gets Muffin going! He was barking and growling, and they were freaking out! They actually picked up their towel and shoes and walked off while scowling at me! What a couple of pussies!

If any of y'all left the house this weekend then you must have noticed that it was hot enough to breed sheep out there! I was needing to cool down bad, so I decided to get in the water. I don't actually want to swim in that stank mess, but it's nice to dip my feet. I took off my sneaks and dipped both feet in. Ahh, cool refreshment! But now I'm starting to regret the decision because the open ankle blisters that I always get from my work shoes look like they're on the verge of infection!

4 comments:

Elizabeth James said...

I swear you are hilarious...my husband is dying laughing...thanks for your words today...its probably this chick i used to work with...bitches...man they suck! :)

Anonymous said...

After reading your first post, I now know why your husband left you. Poor fella, what took him so long? BTW, he had some nice things to say about you on http://www.voltagecreative.com/blog/2008/05/not-only-will-this-kill-you-it-will-hurt-the-whole-time-you-are-dying/

Tooslim73 said...

I like totally added you to my friend list on MySpace like ten minutes ago and still ...no add.

I live in Richmond and yes ...I have Dental Insurance ...please add now!

Anonymous said...

I have copied this page and sent it to the Virginia Dept. of Childrens and Families. I am sure they will be more than happy to take your heathen children away from you. Seeing as how you are raising them to be dregs of society, Just like Mama. BTW, what Strip club do you work at. With teeth like that, I know you gotta Dance a Pole. Sex with a stranger?!?!?! Wow mommie, what a role model. SLUT!! Get your dam teeth fixed, and your face, and your body. ahh bump it, why dont cha just go Lez. Thats about the only way you'll be back into any Man's imagination or wet dreams... LOOSER!!