If our secretary doesn't watch her mouth it's gonna get slapped! Today she called me out in front of two other people about my smoking. I knew it was a mistake to tell my damn co-workers that I'm pregnant again. I took a break for a smoke at 8:45. I swear, as soon as I walked in from my break that bitch was running her mouth.
She was going on and on about how I was smoking when I pulled my car into the lot this morning, and how I had another one at the smoker's tent before going inside to punch in for my shift at 8. Well I'm sorry, but with the mental stress and morning sickness, I need a goddamn cigarette! What I don't need is some judgemental bitch running her mouth at me about it!
Then the others started getting on me about it, like that ho Shirl, who thought she would add that smoking causes low birth weight. Well you know what, bitch? I already knew that! How do you think I've kept my figure after having 3 kids? I have skinny babies, that's how!
I didn't tell them this, but I drink during pregnancy too! You should come by our community pool sometime. Thanks to their webbed toes, my kids can swim like a motherfucka!
You know, the only downside to smoking during pregnancy is that the babies are all angry with nic fits after they're born. I wish to god they'd make a nicotine patch for infants!
14 comments:
are you talking about the author or the commenter?
if you are talking about the commenter, right on man, you tell her like it is.
Don't worry folk. Natural selection will deal with this.
Go Darwin!
I work for the U.S. Health Department's program for tobacco prevention and cessation. In addition to low birth rate, smoking during pregnancy also increases the rate of pre-term delivery and many birth defects, including cleft palate, cerebral palsy,chronic respiratory problems and mental retardation. Babies born to mothers who smoke also have twice the risk of dying from sudden infant death syndrome.
Smoking while pregnant is incredibly irresponsible. If you are willing to quit, please contact the national quitline at 1-800-QUIT-NOW. Or go to http://1800quitnow.cancer.gov/
This is some seriously short-sighted shit. You think you're stressed now? Imagine how stressed you're going to be when you're carrying around a mentally fucked up baby whose ADHD is driving you bonkers. Don't believe me? How about scientific evidence instead of word of mouth?
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/05/070523103740.htm
http://health.dailynewscentral.com/content/view/0001402/62/
Look, I don't know you. None of these people do. The ignorant thing at this point would be to get upset and assume the world is out to get you. The correct thing to do is realize that you were mistaken, it isn't just a matter of birth weight... everybody makes mistakes and poor decisions from limited knowledge. Don't feel embarassed. Correct yourself, educate yourself, humble yourself, and now practice some willpower.
This is why it should be perfectly legal to forcefully sterilize certain women.
My last girlfriend had the same problem. Just cut the nicotine patches in half. We tried the gum first but it kept swallowing it.
Don't put down a kid with ADHD. Both my current girlfriend's kids got it and that medicine is killer. It's meth amphetimine! I replace it with tic tacs and the stupid kids don't even know.
Oh my christ, for REAL.
I totes hate it when people are all up in my business, too!
If they don't want to slap the piss out of their dogs when they take too long to go outies, that's fine, but DON'T JUDGE ME WHEN I ROLL UP A NEWSPAPER.
"Thanks to their webbed toes, my kids can swim like a motherfucka!" BEST LINE EVER!
Comic GENIUS!!! I am going to read your whole blog. It is too good. I agree with the guy above me, about the best line ever!
Really? I'm starting to think your mom smoke and drank when she was pregnant.
I think I love you.
This is one of the funniest sites on the inner tubes, hands down.
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